Entitlement 101

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I pulled into the parking lot at Best Buy today. It was raining. Now you should know that typically, Californians consider rain a deep, personal tragedy. So, like most Californians in this situation, I found myself looking for a parking space nice and close to the store. I saw a prime spot and was about to pull in, when I saw the sign in the picture above. Now I have a Honda Element. It’s not a gas guzzler, but I wouldn’t really consider it a “fuel efficient vehicle”. So I backed out of the spot and moved to another spot further away. And as I watched, a H2 pulled into the spot I just vacated. We’re talking about a Hummer here. A Hum-freaking-V.

Fuel efficient this bad boy is not. I mean we’re talking about single digit MPG here. Like equivalent to a large RV. These things are about as far from a fuel efficient car as you can get in a consumer passenger vehicle. But this driver felt like it would be okay, maybe even funny to park his gas guzzler in the “fuel efficient” car spot.

I thought about taking a picture, but I just didn’t have the energy for another big-time, loud, in your face confrontation today. And somehow, I didn’t think this person was the type who would thank me for my input, apologize and park somewhere else. I’m sure this guy thought he was being terribly cute in a BS, hipster, pseudo-ironic sort of way.

This is a textbook example of somebody who is not only deeply entitled, but also apparently completely unashamed about it. There are lots and lots of people in the world like this. There probably always will be. But today I decided I don’t have to take on the job of educating every completely spoiled little turd that walks the earth on two legs. I’m not his mommy. I’m not his girlfriend or his sister or even his friend. I can choose to be neither upset nor amused by him. I can choose to walk away. And even though he’s getting his little moment of glory on my blog, I feel fairly confident he’ll never, ever know it.

I think this is an important lesson for me in my work. I can stand up for myself. I can fight for our rights. But I also have the right to choose my own battles. I can also choose on a rainy day to pay the bad guys no mind and bring kindness into the world. I can choose to ignore the spoiled child and hold the door for somebody else who needs a little boost.

I can choose to have the common sense to come in out of the rain.

Love,

The Fat Chick

The Courage to Try

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In putting together my new college “Love Your Body” speech and in reading Ragen Chastain’s awesome blog post, one thing has been coming up over and over again. That thing is how being uncomfortable with our bodies tends to rob us of our ability to reach our full potential. Ragen talks at length about how many people in our society react with genuine surprise when they encounter a fat person with talent. I have to admit, it’s really got me thinking.

I think any time a person performs in public or even simply raises their hand in class or is willing to take a definite side in a public debate, it takes a lot of courage. Anyone putting themselves out in this way is open to somebody calling them out, calling them names or simply laughing at them. As a fat person, simply walking down the street can be enough to fuel criticism, catcalling or cruelty. Is it any wonder then, that many fat people don’t want to call additional attention to themselves by raising their hand, taking part in a debate or getting up in front of an audience to dance, recite poetry, act or sing?

Lately it seems everywhere we turn we see talented people being publicly ridiculed for their weight. Recently, star actress Melissa McCarthy was skewered by film critic Rex Reed, not for her performance, but rather for being a “cacophonous, tractor-sized, female hippo…who has devoted her short career to being obese and obnoxious with equal success…” This woman, with her “short acting career” spanning a mere 17 years, currently stars in a hit prime-time network television show and a movie that opened number one at the box office, has been nominated for over 15 major awards including an Oscar and boasts a Prime Time Emmy on her mantle. Apparently that’s considered a short, gimmicky career if you happen to be fat.

And regardless of how you might feel about Governor Chris Christie’s politics, here’s a guy who’s had a hard time in the public eye. Apparently being a governor who has done yeoman’s work in helping rebuild New Jersey in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy is not enough to quiet the noise about his weight. Christie faced criticism from Former White House physician Connie Mariano who recently told CNN that she’s worried Christie might die in office were he elected president. When Christie pointed out that Mariano has never examined him or his medical records and therefore has nothing upon which to base this prediction, a wave of sympathy was unleashed–towards the doctor. Mariano responded to Christie’s criticism asking whether he is acting presidential. However, it doesn’t look like anybody is asking whether Mariano is acting like a real doctor by diagnosing a person based on the way he looks in a suit on TV.

So what happens when you are a talented fat person, taking those first tentative steps towards sharing your gifts with the world and you are confronted with these stories? Does it help you feel more courageous? Are you eager to be creative and make yourself vulnerable in a world like this?

I have no doubt that there are millions and millions of deeply creative people in the world who happen to be fat. But in this climate, in this environment, I think it’s a wonder any of us step out into the light. Even those of us who have had tremendous success face constant criticism for our size. We are constantly dismissed because we don’t fit an exceptionally narrow standard of beauty. And so we learn, at a very young age to keep our talents to ourselves, to hide our light under a bushel basket, to be quiet, to be small. And many of us, for fear of being laughed at, may not even try. We may not dance. We may not sing. We may not even speak.

I wonder what we can do to help encourage the young people around us. It’s a tough world out there filled will bullies. Are there kids around us that we can nurture? Can we help the kids around us learn to reach deep inside in this world filled with hate and give it all they’ve got? Can we encourage them to lift their lights out of the bushel baskets and let them shine? We can, if we only have the courage to try.

Love,

The Fat Chick

Take Yourself for a Walk

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When the amazing and wonderful Velvet D’Amour asked me to come up with a workout for her new issue of Volup.2 she said that the theme was “simplicity”. It really didn’t take long for me to come up with the workout plan. I decided on walking–one of the safest, simplest and cheapest workouts in the world. Once again, I retained the photography talents of Kelly Varner–one of the very best photographers I know, and we went out to create a photo essay on the joys of walking. You can see the results HERE.

There are as many wonderful workouts in the world as there are people. But whenever I’m helping somebody who is stuck, who isn’t sure where to start, I suggest they put on their sneakers, grab the leash and the dog or the hand of their sweetheart and simply go for a walk. Naturally, I’m partial to walking outside, but if the weather is truly wretched, the mall will do. I can’t say I’m a big treadmill fan–the thing makes me feel like a giant gerbil. But some people really love working out with the treadmill. To which I say–to each his own.

There is something so local and gentle and simple about going for a walk around the neighborhood with your friend, hand in hand with your lover or even all by your self. Walking is gentle enough to allow for conversation or contemplation. Sometimes, when I walk by myself, I focus on the seasons and what is happening around me. Sometimes when I walk by myself, I imagine sending positive and kind thoughts to people who live in the houses that I am passing. And sometimes, I walk hand in hand with my husband without saying anything at all. We just enjoy being together.

And if I don’t feel like walking alone and my friends and my husband are busy, I can always count on my handsome dog Max. He loves to walk so much that he’s even figured out how to spell the word. I used to be able to talk to my husband about taking Max for a w-a-l-k. But now, even if I spell it, Max is completely insane with excitement, whining at the door where we keep his leash and ready–always ready to go.

So, I’d like to invite you to find just a little time for a little stroll this week. Don’t worry about counting steps, or calculating calories burned or miles accumulated. Just lace up your sneakers and step out for your little fix of joy. I promise it will be worth it.

Love,

The Fat Chick

Stuff that Weighs More than Me: World’s Largest Box of Chocolates

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Well I hope your Valentine’s Day was full of everything you desired. Like this GIANT box of chocolates maybe? This colossal confection was commissioned by Thornton’s and holds the record for the World’s Largest Box of Chocolates. This giant box of sweeties was unveiled in London, U.K. back in 2008 to advertise the (then) new Thornton’s Box of Moments Chocolates.

The giant box of chocolate sported thousands of the assorted twist wrapped candies that were available free to passersby. So enjoy the vicarious thrill of imagining the best Valentine’s Day present ever while you peruse these sweet stats:

Box Height: 5.04 meters (16.5 feet)

Box Width: 3.5 meters (11.5 feet)

Total Number of Chocolates: 220,052

Total Box Weight: 4,805 pounds (over 2 tons!)

Conclusion: The World’s largest box of chocolates weighs more than me!

Love Your Body Week TRAVEL Edition (sigh…)

Why I Love “Love Your Body Week”

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I’m having such a great time presenting at Love Your Body week at Dickinson college this week! I feel just like that joyful little baby elephant up there. The students are enthusiastic and I too am learning a lot!

I was invited to speak for the college’s “Love Your Body Week” and I’m just one part of an amazing number of fun and meaningful activities. I”ve been impressed with the “Love Your Body Week” theme and it’s a great tool for the college campus for a number of reasons. Here are a few:

1. I think it’s inclusive. It’s not love fat people week or love think people week. It’s not just for boys or girls. It’s not just for athletes or artists. It’s love your body week. Everybody with a body is included.

2. It’s positive. Rather than telling us what not to do, it’s telling us what TO do. This is the Health At Every Size (R) way, which tends to focus on positive, definitive, loving and nurturing things that you can do for yourself. It’s hard to think of something more positive and nurturing than loving your body.

3. It brings attention to eating disorders on college campuses. There is a LOT of disordered eating on college campuses. This is a serious and dangerous problem for both men and women. Love Your Body Week brings attention to eating disorders in a very gentle way, which does not call people out or shame them for disordered eating, but rather allows everybody access to this important information.

4. It’s joyful. See? Look at the baby elephant. That’s how I feel! We’ve talked about some very serious subjects this week. But we also chatted, laughed, sang, played and danced together this week at Dickinson College. An awful lot of this was fun. And I’m hoping that fun will bring young men and women back for more year after year.

5. It’s planting an important seed. I am not naive or egotistical enough to believe that I can change anybody’s mind about body love, self acceptance, size acceptance or Health At Every Size with one speech. But I can say I wish somebody told me about it back when I was a college kid. I had to wait until age 30 to even be exposed to this idea. Love Your Body Week allows us to plant the seed of why it’s so important to love your body at every size among young people. Nobody knows when or if that seed will bloom. But at least the seed has been planted.

That, my dears, is why I love “Love Your Body Week”. Are you having a “Love Your Body Week” at your college campus or workplace? If not, why not institute one of your own. Let’s work together to make every week “Love Your Body Week!”

Love,

The Fat Chick

Why You Just Shouldn’t Mess with Wisconsin Women

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Once again, a woman from Wisconsin is at the center of a controversy over body snarking, and once again, a woman from Wisconsin has totally schooled the world on why this isn’t okay.

I’m talking in this case about former Green Bay Packers cheerleader, Kaitlyn Collins. Apparently somebody posted a picture of Kaitlyn from her Packers cheerleader days on the Chicago Bears Fan Facebook day with the caption, “Like If You Agree The Packers Have The Worst Cheerleaders In The NFL!” And the comments. Oh the comments.

Now as a diehard Packers fan, I can attest that the rivalry between the Packers and the Bears is longstanding and epic. And thus, it’s probably not that surprising that the comments got ugly in a hurry. But this level of body disparagement and the nasty objectification of women did not go unanswered.

Kaitlyn created the YouTube video that you see above and she was NOT playin’. She called some of these bullies out by name–which may be getting somewhat humiliating for those folks, especially as this story gets more and more public. And I think the point she made was clear and concise. I don’t really have a lot to add, except…

It reminds me somewhat of the case a few months back, involving the anchorwoman from Eau Claire, Wisconsin who called out some comments regarding whether or not she should remain an anchorwoman at her current weight. She called those hateful folks out on the air as well and the backlash was amazing.

I guess I’d like to point out three things here:

1. Nobody is safe from body snarking–not even gorgeous NFL cheerleaders.

2. I’m from Wisconsin.

3. You just don’t want to mess with us women from Wisconsin.

That is all.

Love,

The Fat Chick

Stuff That Weighs More Than Me: Big Ben at Dickinson College

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In honor of my upcoming appearance at Dickinson College, I thought I’d find something on campus that weighs more than me. And it didn’t take me long to settle on Big Ben. I’m not talking about the big clock in London here. Nope, by Big Ben, I mean the large bronze statue of Benjamin Rush that was unveiled at the college on June 11, 2004. The sculpture is actually a replica of one accepted precisely 100 years earlier by President Theodore Roosevelt as a gift from the medical profession to the nation.

Benjamin Rush is an important person to both American history and the history of Dickinson college. He was a signer of the Declaration of Independence and was an important figure in psychology and medicine. He fought against slavery, and for universal education (for both boys and girls) and for universal health. He also fought for women’s rights and better treatment of patients with mental illness. Benjamin Rush was one of the first to envision Dickinson College and served as an important trustee from the founding of the College until his death.

Let’s look at the statue stats:

First statue to grace Dickinson Colllege

Material: Bronze

Artist: Recast from statue originally created by Roland Hinton Perry

Height: 7 ft.

Weight: 568 pounds

Conclusion: Big Ben weighs more than me.

Dealing with Diabetes: Episode 004 of the Right Now Show with Jeanette DePatie (AKA The Fat Chick)

Buyer Beware: When the Trainers at the Gym are Big Stupid Bullies

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What happens when you sign one of those one-sided, draconian gym contracts and then find yourself verbally and emotionally abused by the trainers in that gym? Think you’ll get out of the contract? Maybe, maybe not. In the ever growing pile of “stuff on my facebook feed that makes me totally aggro” was this story on a site called Consumerist. This site shares stories of people who feel they have been ripped off. I am disappointed that the Consumerist felt the need to redact the name of the gym, although they are happy to name other companies (Kohl’s, Michaels) in other stories. Maybe they felt that the gym was so small it might be a little too easy to figure out who the bad guys are and where they park their cars.

Anywho, the story’s victims, Shayla and Mr. Shayla joined a gym. They took the first of their two “free personal training” sessions with a trainer who “pressured them” to sign up for personal training services. (*Note this happens very often in some gyms.) When the couple (both plus-sized) mentioned that they were going to try on their own for a while, the trainer looks at their bellies and says, “Obviously what you’re doing so far, isn’t working.” So Shayla and Mr. Shayla tell the manager they want a different trainer for their second (and final) free training session. But now the first trainer is harassing Shayla and Mr. Shayla at every opportunity. The wronged couple jumps through many hoops to try to talk to a manager. When they finally get through, they ask to be let out of their contract. They are denied at every level. As Shayla says, “I am forced to watch them deduct money from my credit card each month (a portion of which, naturally, goes to my abuser), with no recourse until my contract expires.”

At the end of the article there’s an opinion poll asking:

Should the gym let Shayla out of her contract?

___No. If she doesn’t want people to point and laugh, she should lose more weight.

___No. She should wait and see whether her complaint does any good first.

___It’s her fault for not buying personal training sessions.

___Yes. Everyone should be able to find exercise that suits them in a respectful, jerk-free environment.

First of all, let me tell you that I was able to maintain the tiny thread of hope I hold out for humanity when I saw the responses–over 92 percent voted for the final “yes” response. But I have to tell you, I thought of a few other options:

__Yes. And if the company won’t do it, she should contact her local television station and share the story for a potential “expose” story. Lots of stations love these stories and companies should expect public humiliation when they allow their employees to humiliate customers.

___Yes. And Mr. and Mrs. Shayla should get x-large t-shirts printed that say, “I don’t train with [Name of personal trainer] cuz’ he’s a bully.” and hand them out in the gym parking lot.

___Yes. And somebody should remind that gym about what happened when 24 Hour Fitness thought it was cool to put up billboards that were insulting to fat folks.

___Yes. And redacted, my @ss. I need the address, phone number and license plate number of that bozo that was doing the bullying!

But seriously folks, there are a few important lessons to be learned here. One lesson is to be very, very careful when you join a gym–especially for a period of time of one year or longer. There are many super-awesome completely reputable gyms that will give you a wonderful, safe, comfortable place to work out. There are, unfortunately, also a number of gyms out there who just want to get you to sign a contract and will never, ever, like for any reason, let you out of it. They don’t care if you have a good experience. In fact their idea of the perfect customer is the one who is a perpetual member who never, ever shows up at the gym. Don’t believe me? Go take a look at some of the complaints with your local Better Business Bureau. I’ll bet at least one group is about a lousy gym with bad business practices. Buyer beware, people. Check out Yelp. Google the name of the gym you are considering and the word “complaint”. Ask around. If you do get a contract, there should be a reasonable clause in it for both parties to opt out. Don’t listen to any glib verbal assurances given by the salespeople. Go with what’s written on the paper. Consider trying the gym for a month or even three before signing up with a contract. If there are no month to month or even 3-month options, consider this a red flag and check even closer into the gym’s practices. Again many gyms are awesome, but some clearly are not. Be careful.

And finally, yay for Shayla and Mr. Shayla for standing up for themselves. There is no excuse for any fitness professional to treat you with anything other than courtesy and respect. EVER. None. Zero. Nada. If this happens to you, call it out, complain about it, but don’t put up with it. Because people of all sizes deserve courtesy and respect.

Love,
The Fat Chick

P.S. Looking for a safe place to work out? How about your living room? You could always try my live streaming classes. They are totally cost and contract FREE!