Tag Archives: boundaries

Dealing with Diabetes: Episode 004 of the Right Now Show with Jeanette DePatie (AKA The Fat Chick)

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Are you coping with diabetes?  Is your doctor shaming you because of your weight?  Do you wish you had some body-positive advice for coping with this disease?  I’m pleased to share with you episode 004 of The Right Now Show. In this episode, I answer a viewer’s question about dealing with Type 2 diabetes. Tune in for helpful hints for taking a Health At Every Size (R) approach to coping with this challenging disease. I offer tips for integrating exercise (even when coping with chronic pain), managing stress, and how to keep loving the skin you’re in through it all.

There are more tips available about coping with diabetes in a special article I wrote for the Association for Size Diversity And Health available here.

And there’s a really fun music video I did with Ragen Chastain all about managing family boundaries during the holidays available HERE.

You can learn a lot more about The Fat Chick on my website.

And you can buy Jeanette’s progressive workout DVD (with that 10 minute beginning workout) on the shopping page or at Amazon.com HERE.

Thanks so much for watching and don’t forget to subscribe!

Love,
The Fat Chick

Setting Boundaries to Get Through the Holidays

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When Ragen Chastain put out the call to record this amazing new song she created, I just KNEW I had to do it. So I fired up the video camera, lit the fire, plugged in the tiny Christmas tree and got to it. It was so much fun!

I know that for many of us, the holidays are a scary time. Sometimes our family while meaning well, can inadvertently be extremely hurtful. And for many of us, holiday family gatherings can bring up a sense of dread.

I am very lucky that this is no longer the case for me. My family is extremely supportive of all that I do. (My Mom edited my book!) There was a time long ago when my family’s concern over my weight was hard for me. Ever since I learned to set boundaries and to clearly articulate what I needed, I haven’t really had a problem with them. Sometimes you have to help people understand how you’d like them to help you. Remember, it’s not your job to convince them that you are right and they are wrong. You can present evidence if you like, but people are allowed to believe what they wish. You can request that people talk to you or treat you differently. Then they can choose whether or not to honor your request, and you can choose how to react. I have found that even if people choose not to do what you ask, there is empowerment in the asking. And having planned and articulated consequences ahead of family events may help you approach the holidays a little more calmly.

I wish you a holiday season filled with light and peace.

Love,
The Fat Chick

Basta! When you’ve heard ENOUGH about your weight.

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Sometimes being fierce is pretty tough my dear chicklettes…

So we’re going to extend our series on having enough to talk about when you’ve really HAD ENOUGH of hearing criticism about your body.  No matter how well adjusted we are, no matter how wonderful our friends and family are, there comes a time when you just have to say, “That’s it.  No more!”

There are many ways to handle this in many different situations.  And I can’t hope to cover them all here.  But I did want to share one strategy that I use with well meaning people who love me, who feel they need to “save me from my weight problem”.

Let me start by recognizing, this is very tough.  While complete strangers can be ignored, treated with disdain, shouted at, made fun of or even covered with jelly, buried in sand up to their necks with fire ants dumped on their heads, sometimes you actually want to retain relationships with those you love.  So even if you’re really, really mad at friends and family  for bringing up the weight issue again, the fire ants and jelly solution may be somewhat inappropriate in that situation.

It would be great to be, in all situations, fierce.  But truthfully, I don’t always feel that way–especially when I’m dealing with friends and family.  Sometimes I feel up to a three hour argument about size acceptance.  Sometimes, frankly, I don’t.  And in some situations, the timing just doesn’t seem right for a long educational lecture.

So one tool that I use with those I love is what I call the “border patrol” solution.  First, I thank the well meaning person for their concern.  Next, I tell them that I am aware of my size and am comfortable with the path I’ve chosen for myself.  And finally I tell them that I really don’t care to discuss it with them and ask that they please respect my wishes.  Sometimes I say that my councilor or therapist has “suggested” that I not discuss my weight with my family right now.  (For some folks, invoking a ‘doctor’ real or imaginary can help put them at ease, or at least shut them up.)  If they bring up the weight issue again or are unwilling to stop talking about it, I give them one warning.  I say, “I’ve asked that we drop (not bring up) this subject.  I love you, but if you can’t respect my wishes in this regard, I will be forced to leave.”  Then if they still keep it up, I quietly pick up my keys and my purse, and I leave.

So you set the boundary, let them know what will happen when they cross the boundary, give them one shot to hop the hell back over the boundary the first time they blow it, and then take you and your boundaries out of the situation if they don’t get your very clear message.  Now I don’t stay away forever.  But I let them know that this is my boundary and I’ve got sentries and guards on that boundary 24-7.  And I let them know that the next time we get together, the boundary will be the same.

Does this always work?  No.  Is it appropriate for every situation?  Of course not.  But this tool has served me well over the years and has allowed me to reenforce my dominion over my own body and has allowed many relatives and friends and I to agree to disagree on this topic and maintain wonderful relationships.

So my little chicklettes, the next time somebody you really care about is driving you nuts about telling you how to live inyourbody, try setting up a little border patrol.  Be consistent.  Be firm.  Try being, in your own time and in your own way, just a little bit fierce.

Love,

The Fat Chick