Tag Archives: love

In a World of “Click Bait Hate” Let’s Share a Little Love

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On Saturday’s post, I hinted about certain people that serve as a proxy for hate.  They say the things that people no longer may wish to say for fear of reprisal.  They serve as a lightning rod for gleeful malevolence.  They act ugly to win clicks.  And by Jiminy, it certainly works.  I referred to a certain person who posted an extremely hateful video online.  (You can look up her name in my previous post, but I don’t recommend it.)  Now the video is down.  She’s all up and down twitter and other social media feeds saying the big fat bullies got her video taken down.  She’s crying about her right to free speech.  Meanwhile, all the evidence points to the fact that she took the video down herself to get, you guessed it, more publicity.

So what are we to do?  I talked about this with a few of my other size acceptance colleagues and we agreed that continuing to draw attention to her is giving her exactly what she wants.  She’s sowing click-bait hate and is reaping results.  And in this case, I think the answer is to sow a little love.  So throughout the day, I plan to share body loving pieces from people who are doing awesome work.  I’m going to share this love in my blog, in all my social media feeds and to everybody I know.  I’m going to do my little bit to drown out that hateful attention seeking behavior with a little bit of positive good work.  And here’s my first entry.  My dear friend Marlene sent me a link to this one.  (It’s not perfect but it’s mostly awesome…)

So now it’s your turn.  How can we drown out some of that ugly hater stuff? Let’s link to love! I challenge you to post 3 pieces of body love in your social media feed. Let’s share the awesome!  And while we’re talking about awesome, let me remind you:

The Fat Activism Conference Is Back!  

This is a virtual conference so you can listen to the talks by phone and/or computer wherever you are. Whether you are looking for support in your personal life with family, friends, healthcare providers etc. or you’re interested in being more public with your activism with blogging, petitions, protest, projects, online activism, or something else, this conference will give you tools and perspectives to support you  and your work, and to help you make that work intentionally intersectional and inclusive, so that nobody gets left behind. Get the info and register here!

Love,

Jeanette DePatie (AKA The Fat Chick)

PADS Saturday–Kid Rocks Out to Cuba Pete at Local Swimming Pool

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Not gonna lie, it’s been a tough week.  So I think it’s time for a PADS Saturday?  What’s a PADS Saturday you ask?  It’s a blog featuring a

Public

Act of

Dancing

Spontaneously

Frankly, I love this kid.  I love him even more than this guy (and that’s sayin’ something)

He is clearly talented and having a blast.  And a big thumbs up to the people in this kid’s life who allows him to feel supported and loved.  And that’s my message to you today–who do you know who needs to be supported and loved?  How can you help somebody out there to live their purpose, be their full and true selves and shake their groove thing?  What can we all do to help make the world a little better?  Because, I’m telling you, this week I’m feeling the need to make a better world.

Love,

Jeanette DePatie (AKA The Fat Chick)

P.S. Want me to bring my speaking and bust a move with you at your school or business or school?  Click HERE to learn more and to BOOK ME!

Marrying Me: A Day Full of Love

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WeddingDance

I hope you’ll forgive me for being a bit tardy.  You see, yesterday, October 14 was National Love Your Body day.  It was also the 19th anniversary of my marriage to the absolute best guy on the planet.  So it was a day with a whole lot of love in it.  And as I contemplated my lucky, love-filled life, I had some thoughts about marriage and loving and loving your body.

I think my husband would be one of the first to say, that learning to love my body proved to be a very important turning point in our marriage.   While I hated my body, I was unable to believe that anybody else could love me or my body.  Before I learned to love my body, I felt lucky that anybody would even profess to love me.  And when my husband told me he loved me and thought I was beautiful, I thought he was lying–either to me or to himself.  But as I learned to love my body, I came to accept that my husband was telling the truth–both to himself and to me.  And I still count myself lucky.  But now I feel that I’m lucky to love and be loved by somebody wonderful and kind and special.  I no longer feel like he is with me out of pity or sympathy.  I no longer believe he is with me despite my body.  I now accept that he loves ALL of me.  So of course, I feel very, very blessed.

And as I thought over our years together before we were married as well as the nearly two decades we’ve been married, I thought about the things that make a marriage work.  And I thought about how we are in many ways married to our bodies as well.  We can’t really leave our bodies (more than temporarily) while we are alive on this earth.  And while many of us live in a state of being disconnected from or even divorced from our bodies, we really only get one.  So it’s a good idea to learn how to reconnect with and even love the skin we’re in.

So with that in mind, I thought I would have a little marriage ceremony for me and my body.  Since I’ve already learned to love my body (most of the time) it’s more of a restatement of my vows, but here goes.

I Jeanette DePatie do take my body

From this day forward.

To have and to hold,

To love and to cherish,

For better or for worse,

For richer for poorer,

In sickness and in health,

Until death us do part,

Amen.

So please accept my somewhat belated wish that you had a happy Love Your Body Day.  And let me humbly suggest that you do a little restatement of vows of commitment to loving your own body–to love and cherish all the days of your life.  And let me also suggest that one of the best ways to love and cherish your body is to commit acts of radical self acceptance and love like the over 100 acts of love outlined in the new RASCAL program created by Ragen Chastain and I.  It’s a great way to spend the rest of the year loving and being kind to yourself.  We’re only accepting sign ups through THIS SUNDAY so, REGISTER HERE RIGHT NOW!

Love,

Jeanette DePatie AKA The Fat Chick

P.S.  Want me to speak to your group on Love Your Body Day or Any Day?  Click HERE to book me!

P.S.S. Want to get free stuff?  Join my mailing list RIGHT HERE!

Slugs on Hamster Wheels, Belly Flopping Corgis and Other Poster Creatures for Unselfconscious Exercise

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Okay, so the video visual quality is not awesome.  But even before I saw it, the title had me giggling.  I mean “A Slug using a Running Wheel”?  Come On!  When I watched it, I laughed until tears came.  Because you know what?  That slug is not really worried about whether or not he is defying my expectations for fitness.  He’s not worried about what sort of gym clothes he should be wearing or where he will place in the all animal 5 meter sprint.  He’s just going about his business doing his thing.  He’s just cruisin’ along.

Some wonderful art from our friend at http://babbler-slimyslugfriends.blogspot.com/

And in doing my research for this blog post (by which I mean tootling around on Google this morning) I’ve learned that the humble slug is actually an athletic mascot!  Yes!  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Fighting Banana Slugs of U.C. Santa Cruz!

     

Seriously.  I want to go back to school for the express purpose of an Alma Mater with fighting Banana Slugs for a mascot.  For. Realz.

All of this reminded me of another delicious animal video on YouTube.  Check this one out:

Classic!  I love corgis and have a sweet corgi/chow chow mix at home.  (We’ve affectionately named him a chorgi!)  And I love this video.  While there is no question that this dog is out of contention for Olympic medals in high or even very low dive, there is also no question this dog is having a blast.  He’s not covered in existential angst.  He’s not worried whether the springer spaniel down the street is going to look better than him or make fun of him.  This little corgi is just having a blast and doing his thing!

dogsign1 copyAnd all of this has made me wonder.  Maybe we need some animal fitspiration in our lives.  Maybe instead of looking at photos of perfectly tan, hairless, glistening human bodies presumably in the process of working out, we should just watch some dogs and cats and chickens and dolphins frolicking, playing and having a great time.  Because when I’m looking for fitspiration, that’s what I want–examples of pure, unselfconscious, unadulterated fun!

What do you think?  Send me some links of some of  your favorite inspirational  exercising animals.

Love,

Jeanette DePatie (AKA The Fat Chick)

Thursday Theater: S’wonderful Life!

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WonderfulLife

Recently a dear friend of mine sent me a holiday card that he created using JibJab.  It’s a fun and very brief synopsis of one of my very favorite holiday movies, It’s a Wonderful Life.  But in my friend’s version I get to play a starring role!  (Still waiting for my residuals and my listing on imdb.com though…)  To check out the video, check HERE.

Now this is one of those movies that makes me cry every single time I watch it.  Even this very short and funny parody reminds me of my usual state when Zuzu’s bell rings–with either three hankies or one whole box of tissues wringing wet from my soppy response.

We all have our George Bailey moments.  We wind up crying in our beer at Guiseppe Martini’s place and wishing we’d never been born.  But just for now, would you please allow me to play a different role in the movie?  Let me play Clarence.  Let me earn my wings as I tell you something important.

Even when you think you’ve screwed up, even when you think you don’t measure up, please remember that the world is a much better place with you in it.  Not because of how much money you’ve earned, not because you’ve finally reached that magic goal weight that you always wanted to attain, not because of how many sit ups you did or how you look in your skinny jeans, but just because of who you are.

You are like the stone dropping in the center of the pond.  You may make a tiny splash at first.  But in time, your kindness and intelligence and wisdom and strength ripple outwards and outwards and on and on.  You are probably aware of only a tiny fraction of the lives you’ve touched and the world you’ve made a better place.  Your awareness of your own awesomeness is only the tip of the proverbial iceberg–with over 80 percent of your fabulousity lying deep under the surface.

So let’s end the film together, shall we?  Let’s run through the streets, shouting like crazy people who are just happy to be alive.  Let’s imagine a holiday filled with loved ones who surround us and support us.  Let’s imagine a holiday where we understand that we are, in the ways that are important, the richest people in town.

Wait–what’s that?  Is that a bell I hear ringing?  ‘Scuse me while I grab another hanky.

Love,

The Fat Chick

Thursday Theater: With a Thankful Heart

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Good morning my dear Chicklettes! This Thanksgiving I am grateful for so many things! And, in addition to my wonderful heart, I am especially grateful for the amazing and wonderful gift of my whole mind and my entire body:

  • Feet that step and skip and dance,
  • Legs that have carried me towards my loved ones and all that I dream,
  • Knees that flex under the load I sometimes have to carry, and kneel in awe of the beauty of this world,
  • Thighs that make a lap for holding warm, squirmy, squiggly children and a resting place for the chin of my fabulous dog, Max,
  • Hips that sway and shimmy and shake to the beat of the beautiful old earth, and make a place to rest my hands when arms akimbo, I face the dangers and toils of this world,
  • A round, soft bottom that cushions me when I fall,
  • A warm, generous tummy that creates the energy I need to live and love and shakes merrily when I giggle and gufflaw at the delicious absurdity of life,
  • A broad back that allows me to bend down to help others and help shoulder their load,
  • An expansive chest that swells when I breathe the rich and wonderful air, that powers my speech and my song, that gives me a place to cradle that which is beloved,
  • A powerful neck that allows me to turn my head and see not only that which is right in front of my eyes, but all of the wonder that surrounds me,
  • Lips to kiss,
  • Tongue to taste,
  • Teeth to bite when the need arises,
  • Eyes that convey the beauty of the universe to my mind and allow others to see into my soul,
  • Ears that record the music of the earth from the soft shushing of the surf to the boom of a storm to the whisper of a lover sharing a secret,
  • And a heart and mind capable of recognizing the incomprehensible nature of the gift which I have received.

Here’s hoping that Thanksgiving is full of all that makes you happy and joyfully devoid of the stuff that tempts you to choose to relinquish your peace.

Love,

The Fat Chick

The Joy of Soup

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While working like a maniac yesterday, I did manage to find time to make a little soup.  What a fabulous way to celebrate fall!  My household has just two members, my husband and I, so I don’t always have access to bones from which to make a tasty broth.  But at the recent church potluck I asked if anybody was going to take home the turkey bones.  Nobody claimed them, so I took them home and I spun that hay into turkey soup gold.

There are few things in the world that smell quite as awesome as homemade turkey soup bubbling away on the stove.  Homemade soups are healthy and delicious!  They often have a small amount of meat, a whole lot of vegetables, and you get to choose just how much salt to put in there.  (Many commercial soups are extremely high in sodium, so buyer beware!)  Also, if you like, you can separate out your broth from the other ingredients and refrigerate after cooking.  Once cooled, you can scrape the fat layer off the top if you like your soups a little less oily.  Or leave it in.  It’s your soup, so make it just how you like!

But one of the things I really love about soup, is that I think you can taste the love in there.  Seriously!  Soup is one of the original slow foods, and the anticipation and the bubbling and the stirring and the steam and the aroma fills your heart as well as your tummy!

So, in this time of crazy holiday schedules and stress, I suggest that you set aside just a little time, get out your biggest pot, grab some veggies and an onion and some garlic and make some soup.

Love,

The Fat Chick

The unparalelled power of owning your beauty

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Today I was privileged to read this powerful post from a woman speaking about how she chose to call herself beautiful in front of her daughters.  She understands the power of claiming, unconditionally, that she is beautiful in front of her kids.  She spoke of how it must have seemed confusing for her young offspring in the past, when they thought her beautiful, but she negated that reality.

She says:

How confusing it must have been to have me say to them, “You think I am beautiful, but you are wrong. You are small and you love me, so you’re not smart enough to know how unattractive I am. I know I am ugly because I see myself with mean eyes. You are my child and I love you, but I will not allow myself to be pretty, for you.

What a profound thing this is.–to understand the power we gain not only for ourselves, but also for all who love us, when we claim our power to be beautiful.  When we cast false modesty aside and inhabit our glorious, gorgeous selves we do more than make ourselves feel better.  We also create space for others to feel beautiful.  We wrest control from media outlets and glossy glamour magazines, over the definition of fabulous.  We teach our children that beauty comes in an unending variety of sizes, shapes, colors and types.  We cast aside the fear that we will never again be worthy of adoration–that we will never again be enough to make someone gasp at our audacity and amazing selves.  And we prevent that fear from tainting the lives of our children.  We own the definition of ravishing and rapturous and we choose to apply it to ourselves.  And once we’ve applied those labels to ourselves, who would dare, WHO WOULD DARE take it from  us?

I find this concept endlessly exciting.  The notion that claiming our power encourages other women to do the same.  And that making acceptance of ourselves unconditional before our children, we teach them to love themselves forever, rather than for the short time they are young, thin, unblemished, untarnished and inexperienced.  What a spectacular and lasting legacy!

So my dear friends.  What would happen for you if you cast off the need to be modest and demure?  How profound is the impact of accepting yourself unconditionally and forever, just as you are?  And just how large is the gift to those who come behind, when you model this calm, confident and peaceful contentment on a day to day basis?

Love thyself, and change the world!

Love,

The Fat Chick

Thursday Theater: Joy in the Dance with Helen Keller

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For this Thursday Theater, I wanted to share this amazing video featuring Helen Keller and Martha Graham.  Apparently when these two women met, they recognized that they were kindred spirits.  Martha Graham was immediately taken by Helen’s ‘gracious embrace of life’.  And indeed, Helen’s joy at experiencing the dance in her own unique way is palpable.

You can read a lot more about the meeting here, including a very wonderful story about Helen learning the meaning of the word “jump”.  Apparently while experiencing the dance, Helen asked what the word “jump” meant.  Martha Graham called one of the dancers over and placed Helen’s hands gently on his waist.  He then jumped in the air several times.  Helen was so excited as she now understood the full meaning of this word.  She experienced the freedom that comes when a body leaves the earth.  “How like thought, how like the mind it is!” she exclaimed.

I played Helen Keller in a theatrical version of The Miracle Worker when I was in high school.  Ever since then, she has been an important influence in my life.   I find this video especially moving for two reasons.  First, I think it shows that dance is a very powerful form of communication that breaks through many barriers.  And second, I think it shows how wonderful it is that each of us can experience joy in a way that is personal and unique.  I love watching Helen’s face in the video and watching the abandon with which she experiences life.  It’s something that I would like to aspire to one day.  I find it deeply inspiring and hope you do too.

Love,

The Fat Chick

Love and Marriage, Size XXL

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Celebrated my 17th wedding anniversary with the most amazing man in the world yesterday!  What a lucky, lucky duck I am.   All together I have spent over 25 years and more than half my life with this super awesome guy. Color me completely and totally grateful.

Now why am I telling you about this? Well one reason I’m telling you about it is that I AM grateful, and I want the whole world to know that.  But the other reason I’m telling you is to remind you that a lifetime of love with a fabulous partner is possible at any size.  I’d call it “Love At Every Size”, except for the somewhat unfortunate acronym generated by that title.  Let’s just say that sex, love, marriage, kids and the whole 9 yards are possible even if you aren’t a size 2.

Finding this out was a very important part of my journey to loving the skin I’m in.  As a young person, a lot of my frantic dieting was driven by panic.  I was terrified that, as a person of size, I wouldn’t or couldn’t find someone to love me.  And even after meeting and falling in love with and marrying the “best man in the whole wide world” I was terrified that he would wake up one day, realize that I’m fat and leave me.

So I’m sharing  this with you as a reminder.  You can find the best partner in the world and even keep that person in your life even if you’re fat.  And whether you are ten pounds over what society calls your “ideal weight” or several hundred, there’s someone out there for you.  Yeah, I know you may have dated a few duds.  Honey, it happens to all of us.  But according to the US Census Bureau, the world has a population of over 7 billion people.  That’s billion with a “b”.  So you met a few potential partners that are less than ideal.  Maybe you’ve dated a baker’s dozen.  So what?  That’s 13 down, and 6,999,999,987 to go.

We need to teach this to our kids and share it with the world “at large”.  Your ability to find, give and receive love is not dependent on your BMI.  And there’s someone out there for every BODY.

Love,

The Fat Chick