Tag Archives: marriage

Marrying Me: A Day Full of Love

WeddingDance

I hope you’ll forgive me for being a bit tardy.  You see, yesterday, October 14 was National Love Your Body day.  It was also the 19th anniversary of my marriage to the absolute best guy on the planet.  So it was a day with a whole lot of love in it.  And as I contemplated my lucky, love-filled life, I had some thoughts about marriage and loving and loving your body.

I think my husband would be one of the first to say, that learning to love my body proved to be a very important turning point in our marriage.   While I hated my body, I was unable to believe that anybody else could love me or my body.  Before I learned to love my body, I felt lucky that anybody would even profess to love me.  And when my husband told me he loved me and thought I was beautiful, I thought he was lying–either to me or to himself.  But as I learned to love my body, I came to accept that my husband was telling the truth–both to himself and to me.  And I still count myself lucky.  But now I feel that I’m lucky to love and be loved by somebody wonderful and kind and special.  I no longer feel like he is with me out of pity or sympathy.  I no longer believe he is with me despite my body.  I now accept that he loves ALL of me.  So of course, I feel very, very blessed.

And as I thought over our years together before we were married as well as the nearly two decades we’ve been married, I thought about the things that make a marriage work.  And I thought about how we are in many ways married to our bodies as well.  We can’t really leave our bodies (more than temporarily) while we are alive on this earth.  And while many of us live in a state of being disconnected from or even divorced from our bodies, we really only get one.  So it’s a good idea to learn how to reconnect with and even love the skin we’re in.

So with that in mind, I thought I would have a little marriage ceremony for me and my body.  Since I’ve already learned to love my body (most of the time) it’s more of a restatement of my vows, but here goes.

I Jeanette DePatie do take my body

From this day forward.

To have and to hold,

To love and to cherish,

For better or for worse,

For richer for poorer,

In sickness and in health,

Until death us do part,

Amen.

So please accept my somewhat belated wish that you had a happy Love Your Body Day.  And let me humbly suggest that you do a little restatement of vows of commitment to loving your own body–to love and cherish all the days of your life.  And let me also suggest that one of the best ways to love and cherish your body is to commit acts of radical self acceptance and love like the over 100 acts of love outlined in the new RASCAL program created by Ragen Chastain and I.  It’s a great way to spend the rest of the year loving and being kind to yourself.  We’re only accepting sign ups through THIS SUNDAY so, REGISTER HERE RIGHT NOW!

Love,

Jeanette DePatie AKA The Fat Chick

P.S.  Want me to speak to your group on Love Your Body Day or Any Day?  Click HERE to book me!

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Spontaneous Fire and Falling Stars

Firelight on upturned faces as we watch the stars begin to fall.

Firelight on upturned faces as we watch the stars begin to fall.

Last week I mentioned that I was going on retreat.  I went.  It was wonderful.  The church choir members and I and my husband congregated up in Big Bear.  We brought the dog and our tent.  We had a lot of fun together laughing and eating and exploring and eating and resting and well eating.  Several members mentioned that we were probably most successful at the last 3 letters in retreat.  I suggested that we used all the letters, just in a slightly unconventional way.  We did eat.  And then we did re-eat.  And we capped it off with some tea.  So we covered all the bases.  We came back down the mountain on Saturday sun-kissed, happy and tired.

But I’m writing today to tell you about what happened on Sunday.  After church, my husband and I were enjoying some lunch and talking about what we would do that day.  He mentioned that the Perseid Meteor showers were scheduled to be at their peak that night.  We said what a shame it was that we wouldn’t be able to see them very well in LA.  I quickly pulled out my phone and googled “best places in So Cal to see Perseids”.  #1 on the list was Joshua Tree National Park.  At this point it was nearly 1:00 PM.  But my husband and I looked at each other and both got a devious and adventurous look on our faces.  “Let’s go,” said my hubby.  “Woo Hoo!  It’s an adventure!” I said.

Neither of us had ever been to Joshua Tree.  I quickly found out that it was over 2.5 hours drive and the visitor’s center closed at 5.  There was no ability to make a reservation at a campground at that point.  Luckily we hadn’t really unpacked from Big Bear yet.  We frantically threw things into bags, loaded up the cooler and some warm clothes and the dog and hopped in the car.

This is not typical for us.  Usually I have maps printed and our site reservations confirmed all before we even think about leaving the house.  I have an excel spreadsheet for all our camping gear for God’s sake.  But this time we just went for it.  And it was magical.

My husband and I are both complete space geeks.  Always have been.  We had decided to sleep in the car.  The Element has seats that all fold together to make a bed.  But the meteor shower was SO much more spectacular than I imagined it to be.  The viewing conditions at the park were perfect!  We ended up sleeping on top of a picnic table, bundled under a pile of blankets, holding hands and watching the stars fall from the sky.

It was nearly 3 AM and the park was so quiet.  “There’s one!” He whispered.  “Oooo that’s a good one!” I would reply.  For a while we tried to keep count as to who had seen more.  But as the morning wore on, there were 2 or 3 or even more meteors per minute.  We simply lost count.

Geek love is a little different than what you see in the movies, kids.

You know, there are so many moments that we work so hard to put together.  We scrimp and save and plan.  But this impromptu little trip will probably live on as one of my very favorite memories.  We didn’t have a fancy meal.  A fast food nosh on the way and s’mores around the fire.  But just being together and breathing together, and experiencing wonder together, was so very peaceful and joyful and exciting all at the same time.

Tired, rumpled and happy after staying up all night watching meteors.

Tired, rumpled and happy after staying up all night watching meteors.

What I’m trying to say here is that sometimes you just gotta throw caution to the wind (at least a little bit), throw some stuff in a bag, hop in the car and go.  You never know what you’ll get.  On the down side, stuff will be sort of a disaster, and you’ve got a funny story to tell  your friends when you get home.  On the up side, stuff is perfect, and you’ve got a beautiful story to tell yourself all the rest of your life.

Here’s hoping you find your magic getaway moment.  Whether it’s trying a new restaurant or moving to another country, I hope your story is wonderful.  And I can’t wait to hear it!

Love (and good night!) from:

The Fat Chick

 

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Love and Marriage, Size XXL

Celebrated my 17th wedding anniversary with the most amazing man in the world yesterday!  What a lucky, lucky duck I am.   All together I have spent over 25 years and more than half my life with this super awesome guy. Color me completely and totally grateful.

Now why am I telling you about this? Well one reason I’m telling you about it is that I AM grateful, and I want the whole world to know that.  But the other reason I’m telling you is to remind you that a lifetime of love with a fabulous partner is possible at any size.  I’d call it “Love At Every Size”, except for the somewhat unfortunate acronym generated by that title.  Let’s just say that sex, love, marriage, kids and the whole 9 yards are possible even if you aren’t a size 2.

Finding this out was a very important part of my journey to loving the skin I’m in.  As a young person, a lot of my frantic dieting was driven by panic.  I was terrified that, as a person of size, I wouldn’t or couldn’t find someone to love me.  And even after meeting and falling in love with and marrying the “best man in the whole wide world” I was terrified that he would wake up one day, realize that I’m fat and leave me.

So I’m sharing  this with you as a reminder.  You can find the best partner in the world and even keep that person in your life even if you’re fat.  And whether you are ten pounds over what society calls your “ideal weight” or several hundred, there’s someone out there for you.  Yeah, I know you may have dated a few duds.  Honey, it happens to all of us.  But according to the US Census Bureau, the world has a population of over 7 billion people.  That’s billion with a “b”.  So you met a few potential partners that are less than ideal.  Maybe you’ve dated a baker’s dozen.  So what?  That’s 13 down, and 6,999,999,987 to go.

We need to teach this to our kids and share it with the world “at large”.  Your ability to find, give and receive love is not dependent on your BMI.  And there’s someone out there for every BODY.

Love,

The Fat Chick