Tag Archives: Size Diversity

Sit Down Piggy

Look, I captured a (feline) bully.

“Sit down piggy. You just sit yourself down you fat b@#$ch!” My mouth hung open as I heard these words leveled at me at a local restaurant. I asked, “Excuse me? What did you say?” and the tirade went on and on. Seriously. They called me piggy and fat b!@#ch over and over again. Apparently these two young mothers (apparently sisters) didn’t have a whole lot of interesting things to say. (Frankly, I’ve faced more creative bullying from 8-year-old kids.) So, not knowing anything about me, they grasped at the one insult they felt sure would leave me dejected and destroyed. But it didn’t quite work. Neither dejected nor destroyed, I simply stood my ground, and looked at them and asked, “What is the matter with you people?”
I could go into a long drawn out story about how we got to this moment. Two birthday parties right next to one another in a very crowded restaurant. We could hash out details about who gave whom a dirty look and which children were running amok. And so on. And so on. But I can tell you that after everyone else in their party had left, and on their way out the door these two women, walked by our table and said, “I hope you enjoy your party, you b$#ches!” Which led me to walk up to them and say, “Excuse me?”. Thus launching them into the tiresome and oh so repetitive “fat piggy” tirade.

Like so many of us, I had a severe attack of staircase wit afterwards. I thought of 1,000 things I wish I had said about the wonderful example they were setting for their darling children, the fact that they were willing to go to unbelievable lengths to avoid taking any personal responsibility for anything, and their astonishing lack of creativity in the playground taunting department. But you know what I really wish? I wish I had recorded them on my camera phone. I wish I could save that moment and share it with the world. I wish I could show others exactly what people of size put up with every day. Because I know this happens every day.

In this particular situation, I knew I was headed into a minefield. I was confronting someone who had bullied me. But so often, while minding our own business, walking down the street, shopping at a grocery store or riding a bike, we face bullying and teasing and harsh words for no reason at all. We are mooed at. We have people comment about the contents of our plates or our shopping carts. We have insults hurled at us from speeding cars. And I could go on and on about the unspeakably horrible things people leave in the comments sections of our pages and blogs and online profiles. Those of us who are fat, know this. We know that abuse happens all the time. And it happens to nearly all of us at one time or another.

But many folks who are average sized or thin, do not know about this abuse. They have no idea what fat people go through. I suspect many of them would be horrified if they saw this behavior. And I think if they saw this with their own eyes on a blog or on YouTube, some of them just might choose to rally behind us fatties.

So the next time this happens, I hope I have the presence of mind to channel my inner documentary filmmaker, pull out my cell phone and record that nonsense for posterity. I’ll let the world see the ugliness these bullies throw down. Future bullies had just better watch out. They may become an unwitting star in my big fat reality show.

And if you just happen to capture on your cell phone some video of the bullies being nasty, closed minded and possibly not very creative towards you, could you send me a link the video? Just send the link to jeanette@thefatchick.com and put “I captured a bully” in the subject line. I’m putting together a little project called “capture the bullies” to shine a light on this ongoing hateful nonsense.

In any case, it’s important to keep in mind that no matter what, we don’t have to let the bullies rule our lives and we don’t have to let them win. Because as I along with several others have pointed out via Ragen Chastain’s amazing project, we are better than the bullies.

Stay strong my friends.

Love,

The Fat Chick

Thursday Theater: With a Thankful Heart

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Good morning my dear Chicklettes! This Thanksgiving I am grateful for so many things! And, in addition to my wonderful heart, I am especially grateful for the amazing and wonderful gift of my whole mind and my entire body:

Feet that step and skip and dance,
Legs that have carried me towards my loved ones and all that I dream,
Knees that flex under the load I sometimes have to carry, and kneel in awe of the beauty of this world,
Thighs that make a lap for holding warm, squirmy, squiggly children and a resting place for the chin of my fabulous dog, Max,
Hips that sway and shimmy and shake to the beat of the beautiful old earth, and make a place to rest my hands when arms akimbo, I face the dangers and toils of this world,
A round, soft bottom that cushions me when I fall,
A warm, generous tummy that creates the energy I need to live and love and shakes merrily when I giggle and gufflaw at the delicious absurdity of life,
A broad back that allows me to bend down to help others and help shoulder their load,
An expansive chest that swells when I breathe the rich and wonderful air, that powers my speech and my song, that gives me a place to cradle that which is beloved,
A powerful neck that allows me to turn my head and see not only that which is right in front of my eyes, but all of the wonder that surrounds me,
Lips to kiss,
Tongue to taste,
Teeth to bite when the need arises,
Eyes that convey the beauty of the universe to my mind and allow others to see into my soul,
Ears that record the music of the earth from the soft shushing of the surf to the boom of a storm to the whisper of a lover sharing a secret,
And a heart and mind capable of recognizing the incomprehensible nature of the gift which I have received.

Here’s hoping that Thanksgiving is full of all that makes you happy and joyfully devoid of the stuff that tempts you to choose to relinquish your peace.

Love,

The Fat Chick

On being a Shameless Woman: How Forbes Got it Right

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Ooooo, I’m so excited about THIS article from the Forbes.com site She Negotiates! In this piece, author Brooke Axtell talks about why shame doesn’t make us thinner OR healthier, and she rounds up an amazing group of experts including Dr. Michelle Segar and Dr. Linda Bacon. And I’m resonating so deeply with what is said here that I’m ringing like a big old bell! The article starts out asking a simple question:

The U.S. Diet and Weight Loss Industry produced over 60 billion dollars in revenue last year. With all the available information and products, why do many intelligent women continue to diet and exercise without achieving lasting results?

Good question! Why do we keep banging our head on this same wall over and over again? Why do we keep doing the same things we’ve always done before and expect different results. Why are we behaving in a way that could be defined as insane?

The article goes on interview Dr. Michelle Segar. And while I don’t intimately know her work and can’t comment on her personal feelings about weight loss, I couldn’t find much to fault in her interview here. Basically, her research indicates that if you start trying to change your health and wellness from a point of self-hatred you are doomed to fail before you even start. The article goes on to state:

Many of the behaviors that improve health, such as getting more sleep and making better eating choices, also lead to experiences, such as reduced stress, that contribute to happier lives. It is the positive experience that we crave and it is far easier to measure on a daily basis. Although many claim that their health is a priority, the truth is that we are far more motivated by wanting to feel good than to improve our health.

Yes, yes and YES! In my experience with all of the folks that I work with, it’s the immediate pleasure of having fun, of building relationships with classmates, it’s the better sleep and higher confidence and improved sex life that comes with exercise that keeps them exercising. You can create charts. You can pull out your calipers and scales. You can give the “deathfat” speech all you want. You can even give them a “gold star” for being “good”. But what keeps exercisers coming back for more is having a good time and feeling good both during and after exercise. Period.

This is such an important idea. So often people ask me why I call myself The Fat Chick. They ask why I can’t just skip over the issue of being “curvy” and tell people to have fun while they are losing weight. They ask why I can’t just “suggest” that they could or should lose weight. But I can’t. Because telling people to have fun while they are on the way to being worthy, while they are in the process of becoming okay just doesn’t work. I have to tell them that they are okay now. I have to let them know that they are worthy even if they never achieve the BMI or number on the scale they are seeking. I have to let them know that we will experience joy right from the beginning of our work together, not after some magic number or arbitrary goal is achieved. As the article states:

Ultimately, it matters why we exercise and eat healthy foods. This is important not only to sustain our efforts of authentic self-care, but also to resist the toxic messages of a 60 billion dollar industry that depends on women feeling ashamed of their bodies.

Amen, sister. Amen. So I’ll keep calling myself The Fat Chick, and I’ll keep focusing on feeling good and having fun. I will refuse to fuel the industry built on shame that keeps us down and holds us back. I’ll keep working with people of many different ages, weights and abilities. I’ll call myself and all of my students worthy on the first day and the last day and every day in between. To put it simply, that’s what works in the short term, the long term and the whole term.

Thanks for listening.

Love,

The Fat Chick

Stuff that Weighs More than Me: World’s Biggest Pumpkin

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Well it IS fall even if the weather in Southern California doesn’t seem to reflect it. 106 in October? Are you kidding me? It makes me sad for the kids that go and buy pumpkins to carve in early October. Sure, where I grew up in Wisconsin, the weather is cool enough for those pumpkins to last a week or two. But here? In 100+ degree temperatures? A carved pumpkin has a shelf life of a day or two at most.

Speaking of which, did ya see the pumpkin in the video up there? Did ya? Now that is one giant gourd! I love watching how excited everybody is at the weigh in. And it is pretty amazing. This pumpkin utterly crushes the previous world record holder–outweighing its nearest competitor by over 200 lbs. These pumpkins are really amazing–growing by 40 or even 50 lbs. per day in peak growing season. In fact, rapid growth can lead to bursting, which is one massively messy problem to have.

I think even Linus would agree this is one Great Pumpkin!

I don’t have a lot of stats for this one other than the fact that the pumpkin is the first ever to reach the one-ton mark. And at 2009 pounds the world’s heaviest pumpkin weighs more than me.

Why does doing good sometimes feel so bad?

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In yesterday’s post, I shared with you a glowing report about an amazingly awesome activism event–Take Back the Beach. It was powerful and wonderful and moving. It was a special and discrete moment in time where things went well, everyone got along, and changing the world seemed not only possible, but inevitable.

And then I came back home to my email inbox. And that mailbox was filled with the real-life frustrations that come when many people within many groups try to make the world a better place. Along with the magic moments of transcendence and transformation come many days of messy arguments over who holds what power and who is making the rules and who is following the rules and who gets the credit, and who gets to speak and who is heard. Sometimes it’s really hard to hold the thread and keep the focus. It’s easy to forget that it’s really about making the world a better place.

I wish I could say this experience is unique to one group, but I’ve experienced it in so many places and with so many organizations. Sometimes it’s tempting to go off into a corner and just try to do activism all by yourself. But that doesn’t work either. To make change you need a lot of people, all working at the top of their game, all sharing to the best of their abilities. Everyone needs to be valued. Everyone needs to be recognized. And each and every time, you have to realize that there is no group of people, anywhere in the world that is going to get it right all the time. People are fallible and relationships are messy. We are all by turns proud, defeated, aggressor, and victim. All you can do is try to build groups with enough strength and elasticity to bend and not break when the wind blows through. And then you try again. And then you try again some more. Wash, rinse and repeat.

That’s why it’s so helpful to have those special moments in the sun, like Take Back the Beach. It helps me so much to have these memories to treasure and hold close and remember why the heck we’re doing this in the first place.

My little Chicklettes, please remember that the road to making the world a better place is never a smooth one. Sometimes reaching a wing out to help somebody else simply results in two feathery butts bouncing on the ground. But sometimes you and the entire flock will soar! Here’s to remembering your days of high flying.

Love,

The Fat Chick

Why my Body has no Comment Button

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Today on facebook I came across two different posts about how people in the world feel compelled to share their disappointment that not everybody in the world chooses to meet their personal standard of beauty on a 24/7 basis. First, I came across this post from the truly awesome Fat Fox. (Note: frustration leads to some colorful, sailor-like language.) In this guest post on Fat But Not Afraid’s Blog, she talks about the “always wear a bra” requirement some feel compelled to share. She also notes that those folks can just kiss her–well like I said, sailor talk.

And then I ran across this story shared on facebook by Atchka Fatty of Fierce Freethinking Fatties, in which a girl who is simply standing line and texting on her phone is photographed and made the subject of ridicule on reddit. Be sure to read her beautiful and thoughtful response at the link above.

Honestly! What is it with people? Last time I checked, there was no comment button pasted on my body, ANYWHERE. Just exactly how much ego is required in order for you to expect everybody in the entire world to continually live up to your personal rules about how they should look? I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure that amount of ego weighs more than me.

My dear Chicklettes, are you starting to see how it is not your responsibility to look the way other people think you need to look? Are you starting to understand that the problem is not how big your butt is, but rather, how small their mind is? Are you starting to understand that you can choose to make the fact that somebody doesn’t like you just because of your outward appearance, NOT YOUR PROBLEM?

Good!

Because you are awesome, wonderful, gorgeous and deserving of love exactly the way you are right this very moment.

Love,

The Fat Chick

When Life Gives You Lemons–Work Out!

Taking Back the Beach

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Well kids, it’s been a video kinda week. But I wanted to share this amazing skit I created with my LA Rad Fatty Friends. It was super fun! Here’s the text in case you have trouble making out even one word of the awesomeness!

East of the ocean and south of the bay
Lies the land where NAAFALANs frolic and play
On playgrounds and beaches and all public spaces
With joy in their hearts and smiles on their faces.

Today, the NAAFALAns swarmed on the beach
With a spring in their hair and a song in their speech.
They gathered with skips, with giggles, with squeals.
Our own gnomie even sped on four wheels.

In swimsuits, trunks, muumuus, bikinis:
They gathered around to swim and roast weenies.
Finally came the fat rainbows twins —
Indistinguishable to all but very close friends.

Every NAFFALAN creature liked swimming a lot
But Sue, not a NAFFALAN, felt she could not.
Sure, Sue loved swimming: the splashing, the hats.
But didn’t, for the MeMes had called her too fat.

It could be the MeMes were hungry and dizzy
And that’s why they spouted such hate on the TVs.
No matter the reason, no MeMe would rest
Till all fatty bodies stayed inside and dressed.

With all of her belly, our girl loved to swim,
She wanted to splash with the hers and the hims.
Watching the NAAFALANS, she wanted to play
But the MeMes on TVs said, “Nay! Nay! And NAY!”

“You’re much too big, too threatening, too gaudy.
Please spare us the sight of your fat, happy body!
If you’re looking for fun, just do what I do:
Wear a super tight girdle and chug low-carb goo.”

Our girl sat back down, convinced to stay put
When suddenly, something rolled onto her foot.
The NAAFALANS had lost their big round beach ball.
It was curvy and bouncy and fun like them all.

“Hey,” said one NAAFALAN, who’d come for the toy,
“Wanna play at the beach with us fat girls and boys?
We’ve munchies and swimming and games that we play.
We’re a size-diverse group we call NAAFA-LA.”

Well, Sue stood up cautiously, looking around,
Then the MeMes on TVs yelled, “Sit yourself down!
Can you bear all the staring, the whispers, the looks?
Better stay in your parlor and just read a good book.”

All of the NAAFALANS sat there and happily giggled.
They patted their tummies and watched while they jiggled.
“If you want to go swimming,” they said with a smile.
“Fight and unite with us, do it with style.

“Your body’s a temple, deserving of praise.
Feed it and move it in all kinds of fun ways.
Show off its beauty, adorn it with pride.
This is no time to cower or shiver or hide!

They skipped to the beach, hand in plump hand,
To nibble and frolic and play on the sand.
Sue took a deep breath and, taking a chance,
Joined with the NAAFALANS in a beach party dance.

[Dance break]

The Memes went crazy and just kept on screaming
“After all that we’ve told you, the nagging and scheming,
You choose to defy us and put on display
Your tummies, and thighs and arms as you play?

“You bet!” all the NAAFALANS shouted with glee
“Your words no longer have power over me.
We’ll laugh as you yell and smile while you preach,
Because the NAAFALANS, my dear, just took back the beach!”

Love,
The Fat Chick