Hello kids! Sorry for the semi-demi-advertisement here, but I just realized that we are only one even dozen members away from hitting 1,000 on the Fit Fatties forum. Now I admit, I’ve been pretty distracted getting ready for today’s Bi-coastal Hot Flash Mob (woo-hoo!) and hadn’t realized that we were quite so close to achieving this nice large and ROUND number. Wanna help? Let’s get there today! 1,000th member gets a copy of my DVD The Fat Chick Works Out! Even if you’re a beginning exerciser. Even if you’re just thinking about starting to think about exercise, you’re welcome on the Fit Fatties Forum. And you’ll be surrounded by a supportive, loving community that can’t wait to answer your questions and rock out with you!
So join already. Upload a picture. Share your general awesomeness! And if you’re already a member, share with your friends!
Love,
Now that is some serious toppings kids. And there’s no question that this is a big, Big, BIG burger! This world-record-breaking patty was cooked and created at the Black Bear Casino Resort near Carlton, MN. I think you might just want to ask for a to-go box before you even start this bad boy. Here’s the stats:
Diameter: Over 10 feet
Patty cook time: 2 hours–flipped via crane and cooked for another 2 hours
Bun cook time: 7 hours
Calorie count: 4.1 Million
Weight: over 2,100 lbs.
Conclusion: The World’s Largest Cheeseburger weighs more than me.
Let me tell you a secret. This blog feeds a need in me. I have a burning need to offer free advice. I have a compulsion to tell people what to do. That seems to work okay in a blog, but in real life, maybe not so much. And lately, I’ve been dealing a lot with the nature of advice from both points of view.
A lot of people seek my advice, and when they ask for it, I try to give it. And when they don’t ask for advice, I try (but often fail) to keep my advice to myself. But it’s so hard, right? When someone comes to you, and they are complaining, or frustrated, or crying. And how often do we think we see what that person needs to do to fix their situation? It seems so SIMPLE, right? And how often do the words, “All you have to do is…” come leaping to my lips?
Sometimes I’m right. Sometimes I know what that person needs to do to make everything better. And sometimes I just DON’T. Often all I know about the situation is the little bit I’ve seen and the little bit that person has chosen to share with me. And sometimes the person I’m talking to is able to eloquently relate in great deal what is happening to them. And sometimes they are NOT. Sometimes they have furtively shown me the tip of a very big iceberg. And sometimes I think I should know just how HUGE that iceberg is before I start giving navigation directions about how to steer around that bad boy.
But I can tell you from the other end, that sometimes the last thing I want in the world is some more unsolicited helpful advice–especially from those closest to me. It’s great that they care. And sometimes, no make that often, they are absolutely right about what I need to do. And sometimes, no make that often, that is absolutely not what I needed to hear at that moment. I try (but often fail) to be grateful that they care enough to share their ideas about what they think I should do. I try (but often fail) to accept their helpful hints and mild criticism with grace. But so often I end up angry and hurt and frustrated.
I think this is because often when I complain, or express frustration what I really need is 1)assurance that everything will be all right and 2)encouragement that I already have the tools to figure out what I need to do. That doesn’t mean that I am able to joyfully and completely articulate my needs in that moment. Nope. In that moment, I am bitching about something that isn’t going right in my life and secretly hoping like hell that the person listening doesn’t feel the need to give me lots of advice.
So what’s a person to do? I guess when I’m listening, I should try to remember that I have two ears and one mouth. I need to wait and assess–is this person asking me for advice, or encouragement, or assurance, or for nothing at all but a little commiseration? And I guess when I’m ranting, I have to remember how deep and strong the urge is to tell people what to do and be glad that people care enough to want to help me. Or at least I need to learn to articulate what I need instead of being annoyed that the person I’ve just regaled with all my woes hasn’t guessed correctly which of the hundred responses is the right one. It can be downright sticky.
So my little Chicklettes, I frankly don’t know how to advise you on the issue of advice. All I can suggest is to keep your mind and heart open, and do the best you can. And when you fail (which will be often) learn what you can and move on.
Well kids, it’s been a video kinda week. But I wanted to share this amazing skit I created with my LA Rad Fatty Friends. It was super fun! Here’s the text in case you have trouble making out even one word of the awesomeness!
East of the ocean and south of the bay
Lies the land where NAAFALANs frolic and play
On playgrounds and beaches and all public spaces
With joy in their hearts and smiles on their faces.
Today, the NAAFALAns swarmed on the beach
With a spring in their hair and a song in their speech.
They gathered with skips, with giggles, with squeals.
Our own gnomie even sped on four wheels.
In swimsuits, trunks, muumuus, bikinis:
They gathered around to swim and roast weenies.
Finally came the fat rainbows twins —
Indistinguishable to all but very close friends.
Every NAFFALAN creature liked swimming a lot
But Sue, not a NAFFALAN, felt she could not.
Sure, Sue loved swimming: the splashing, the hats.
But didn’t, for the MeMes had called her too fat.
It could be the MeMes were hungry and dizzy
And that’s why they spouted such hate on the TVs.
No matter the reason, no MeMe would rest
Till all fatty bodies stayed inside and dressed.
With all of her belly, our girl loved to swim,
She wanted to splash with the hers and the hims.
Watching the NAAFALANS, she wanted to play
But the MeMes on TVs said, “Nay! Nay! And NAY!”
“You’re much too big, too threatening, too gaudy.
Please spare us the sight of your fat, happy body!
If you’re looking for fun, just do what I do:
Wear a super tight girdle and chug low-carb goo.”
Our girl sat back down, convinced to stay put
When suddenly, something rolled onto her foot.
The NAAFALANS had lost their big round beach ball.
It was curvy and bouncy and fun like them all.
“Hey,” said one NAAFALAN, who’d come for the toy,
“Wanna play at the beach with us fat girls and boys?
We’ve munchies and swimming and games that we play.
We’re a size-diverse group we call NAAFA-LA.”
Well, Sue stood up cautiously, looking around,
Then the MeMes on TVs yelled, “Sit yourself down!
Can you bear all the staring, the whispers, the looks?
Better stay in your parlor and just read a good book.”
All of the NAAFALANS sat there and happily giggled.
They patted their tummies and watched while they jiggled.
“If you want to go swimming,” they said with a smile.
“Fight and unite with us, do it with style.
“Your body’s a temple, deserving of praise.
Feed it and move it in all kinds of fun ways.
Show off its beauty, adorn it with pride.
This is no time to cower or shiver or hide!
They skipped to the beach, hand in plump hand,
To nibble and frolic and play on the sand.
Sue took a deep breath and, taking a chance,
Joined with the NAAFALANS in a beach party dance.
[Dance break]
The Memes went crazy and just kept on screaming
“After all that we’ve told you, the nagging and scheming,
You choose to defy us and put on display
Your tummies, and thighs and arms as you play?
“You bet!” all the NAAFALANS shouted with glee
“Your words no longer have power over me.
We’ll laugh as you yell and smile while you preach,
Because the NAAFALANS, my dear, just took back the beach!”
Oh my dears. They don’t call them the dog days of summer for nothin’. It’s been hot. I mean really, really hot. And sometimes exercising in the heat can be a bit of a drag. If it’s really hot where you are, it might be time to change things up a little. Go splash in the pool. Get up early and go walk in the air conditioned splendor of your local mall. Make extra sure you’re drinking and stay hydrated. But even when it’s really warm out there, remember to keep moving. You can always take a nap after you’re done!
Just want to offer a special note of thanks to Fae’s Twist & Tango for nominating me for the Illuminating Blogger Award. Fae has a great blog herself and you should check it out.
Fae has also asked me to share a random fact about myself, so I choose this: One of my very first jobs was playing Little Red Riding Hood at Storybook Gardens in a Wisconsin resort town. I learned a LOT about life that summer! :o)
I’d also like to nominate a few other amazing blogs for this award including:
There’s been a fairly hot story in the news this week about a Shrewsbury, MA doctor who has publicly stated that she will not treat patients who are over 200 pounds. Dr. Helen Carter claims that several of her medical staff were injured treating larger patients and that she doesn’t want to see anyone who weighs more.
The story broke after one patient, who had actually come in for her second appointment had been sent home. Ida Davidson was very surprised when she came in for her follow-up appointment and was told, that she would no longer be accepted as a patient since she weighed over 200 lbs. Dr. Carter said she did not feel equipped to deal with Ida’s needs. She stated, “There’s an obesity center over at UMass that is much better staffed and has more resources than I do.”
Now first, let me state for the record, Dr. Carter’s decision is not illegal. Doctors can choose to take on patients or not take on patients as they see fit. But is it ethical? Is her response even logical? She refuses to provide any detail about the injuries to her staff workers from working with patients over 250 pounds. And really, it seems the vast majority of medical offices out there routinely handle patients of that size and much larger without any injuries to medical staff. One might question what these med techs were doing in a traditional doctor’s office to cause such problems. And to be frank, me thinks the doc doth protest too much. I’ve talked to a number of med techs who point out that the sort of routine care offered in a typical doctor’s office should not result in injuries to the staff of any kind, if the med techs were properly trained and following reasonable procedures.
While Dr. Carter may state that she is looking after her staff with this decision, I can’t help thinking that there are other motivations at work. Maybe Dr. Carter just doesn’t like fat people. Ida Davidson makes it clear that she felt outraged and humiliated about the way the whole thing was handled. She felt the doctor had engaged neither tact nor compassion, and I quote, “She didn’t care about my health that day. I think she just cared that I was a liability to her, maybe, and that I was too much work.”
But I also have to wonder if greed plays a part in Dr. Carter’s decision as well. Increasingly, doctors are seeing financial bonuses from insurance companies and medical groups for keeping their patients within certain metrics. In many cases, those metrics include BMI. So I have to wonder, is this decision really about protecting her staff or filling her bank account? And I also wonder, where will this end? Will doctors ultimately decide we are too expensive to treat? Will they stop seeing average-size or larger people at all? Will they only agree to treat people who they deem healthy and avoid those with expensive problems?
But perhaps most alarming to me is the question of whether or not fat people will be so humiliated and stigmatized by their doctors that they will stop going altogether. I’m far more frightened about the patients that Dr. Carter has turned away who are not brave enough to talk to CNN. What about the patients who simply internalize the shame, and don’t go to see the doctor at all any more. The Rudd Center has done a lot of work in documenting weight bias among medical professionals. It is real, and it has a profound effect on the health and well being of people of size. As the Rudd Center points out: people who are the victims of weight bias by medical professionals “are reluctant to seek medical care, cancel or delay medical appointments, and put off important preventative medical services.”
My dear Chicklettes. I have experienced weight bias from doctors in the past, and I have allowed it to keep me from going to the doctor. I have allowed myself to feel sad and worthless by men and women in white coats. I have suffered needlessly with medical conditions that would have been far less severe if I had gone to the doctor sooner. So learn from my mistakes. Make sure to find a doctor who treats you well. You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve to receive competent, compassionate health care no matter what your size or shape or age or ability. Please remember you are not a liability. You are a unique and amazing person.
Well the world is buzzing with the recent antics of new Project Runway “super villain” Ven Budhu. Apparently the past week’s challenge was to create looks for average people rather than models. Ven’s model Terri was, horror of horrors, a plus-sized girl. Now at about a size 14, Terri is actually pretty close to the US national average for women of about a size 12 on the top and a 14 on the bottom. She definitely met the “Project Runway” criteria for an average person. Yet Ven could not keep his yap shut from the beginning of the show to the end about how unfair it was that he was asked to work with this model who “has no shape” and “no personality”. He said these things to Tim Gunn in the workroom. He said these things in front of Terri. He made her cry. He did not put a particularly attractive look on the runway and he wasn’t the one sent home this week.
For the record, Terri is a beautiful woman with a modified hourglass shape. And she didn’t deserve to take the blame for Ven’s basic incompetence as a designer. And she didn’t deserve to be exploited at the hands of “Project Runway” in order to boost ratings either. But that’s exactly what happened.
Let me let you in on the world’s worst kept secret. Reality shows are not real. They are heavily edited and produced to one end–bump up the ratings. And the producers of the show saw an opportunity to stir up drama and controversy. Ven played his part. The super baddy is often one of the last to go home on these shows because people love to hate them. And viewers tune in so they can boo and hiss at the bad guy. The villain creates drama and drama drives ratings.
So don’t just be mad at Ven. He did his part. He chose to be the bad guy character and had to use whatever was at his disposal to stay on the show. Be mad at the producers of “Project Runway” too. Because they exploited Terri every bit as much as Ven did. And worse, they did it because they felt pretty certain they would get away with it. Because as a nation, we seem to think it is still okay to pick on people who have the audacity to be anything larger than a size 2.
Let’s look at that for a second. Do you think Ven would have had this tantrum with a model who had dark skin or naturally curly hair? What if his model had a physical challenge and was in a wheel chair or had artificial limbs? Do you think Ven would have pulled this garbage and “Project Runway” would have aired it in those situations? In a word, no. Because “Project Runway” and Ven would have known that picking on people in those situations would have caused a backlash with negative consequences for both the designer and the show. But they pulled that garbage with Terri because they knew they could spark controversy, but not too much controversy.
The whole thing makes me sad. Because as I said yesterday, a few kind words can have incredible power to make the world a better place. Conversely, a few unkind words can tear someone down forever. Fellow contestant Fabio Costa said of Ven, “It’s really sad that you have the power to make someone feel bad about themselves and you use that deliberately.” To which I say, I agree Fabio. But don’t let the show’s producers off the hook. They are at least as guilty as Ven.
So my little Chicklettes. I won’t be watching any more “Project Runway” this season. I would rather place my eyeballs and my energy on something that makes the world in some small way a better place.
Over the weeks and months that I’ve been writing this blog, a number of you have left nice messages in the comments. I wonder if you realize the impact you have? Do you know how just a few kind words can be enough to make my whole day? They make me feel important. They make me feel appreciated.
So many of us walk around in our lives feeling unappreciated. We feel like nobody notices what we do. Our hearts are heavy with the thought that no one understands what we are going through. But do you realize what power you have to change that for those around you? Do you see how just saying sincere thanks to people in your lives, from the woman at the Drive Thru at the bank to your best friend, to your mom, to your spouse can have an impact on them? And do you know what an impact it can have on you?
When you sincerely thank those around you, when you applaud them for the work they do, when you allow them to see that their efforts matter to someone, they feel good and you feel good. It’s a two-fer one deal. Now let me be clear. This is something I really wish I was better at doing. With my staunch Midwestern upbringing, it’s easy for me to politely thank perfect strangers, while at the same time be kind of lousy at thanking and encouraging those closest to me. I get busy. I forget. I don’t like to gush.
But when I look around me at the people who are most successful and the most happy, they are also the people most encouraging to those around them. So I am trying to be better. I am trying to get my head out of my proverbial butt a little more. And I am trying to verbalize what I am often thinking: how blessed I am to have smart, loving, joyful, generous, kind and awesome people in my life. I’m trying to remember to say thanks.
So my little chicklettes, you are indeed truly awesome! And thanks so much for listening.
Yup, after getting fat, it seems the next deadliest sin for women is getting older. Unlike so many societies in the world that revere and honor people as we get older, our American culture (and much of the westernized world) worships youth. Nowhere is this more apparent than in Los Angeles where I currently reside. I can’t tell you how often I’ve met a successful male producer or director or actor who is toting around wife “version 3.0” who is 20 or 30 years younger than him and caring for a few new young kids. In Hollywood, the young, hot wife with cute little kids is the accessory of choice for successful men. A lot of men go through a midlife crisis. Some buy a Porsche. In Hollywood, men buy new families.
So it’s no wonder that I see so many women around me trying so hard to appear so young. Aside from the strict controls they seek to place on their weight, these women spend thousands of dollars on special cremes and potions to reduce wrinkles and fine lines, remove “age spots”, lift sagging breast tissue, tighten tummies and more. And if the topical application doesn’t work, many of these women get poison injected into their skin, or have plastic surgery or liposuction. I have a friend who nearly lost her house because she paid for a face lift she really couldn’t afford.
What a sad thing. We should be honoring women as they get older. We should learn from their wisdom. We should laugh with them as they recount some of their foibles. We should be offering each other strength and helping each other to relax rather than sharing the phone numbers for Botox clinics. We are privileged to live in a time when many of us live long enough to get old. Maybe we should be counting our blessings rather than counting our wrinkles or getting hair plugs.
Now look. In the name of full disclosure, I do color my hair. And I do wear sunscreen. I don’t object to taking a few steps to help you feel good about yourself. But I DO object to the notion that once your appearance marks you as beyond a certain age, you are no longer relevant to society. I object to the idea that women over 40 should find it harder to find work, or that women of any age should be part of a “discarded family” because they don’t match the upholstery of a sports car or rate high as red carpet arm candy. I object to spending a large part of your life trying to fight the inevitable effects of becoming an older person.
So my little chicklettes, if you are young, seek the councel of women who are older and more experienced. And if you are older, why not get together with other women to laugh and support one another? Why not celebrate your mature status? You could come out and join one of our upcoming Hot Flash Mobs. Or you could just get together at somebody’s house and drink some wine and eat something absolutely fabulous. Host a lingerie party. Put on some sparkly clothes and head out to a club. Take just a little time to celebrate your privilege in growing older and still being able to walk around and enjoy this universe of ours.
Hello kids! Sorry for the semi-demi-advertisement here, but I just realized that we are only one even dozen members away from hitting 1,000 on the Fit Fatties forum. Now I admit, I’ve been pretty distracted getting ready for today’s Bi-coastal Hot Flash Mob (woo-hoo!) and hadn’t realized that we were quite so close to achieving this nice large and ROUND number. Wanna help? Let’s get there today! 1,000th member gets a copy of my DVD The Fat Chick Works Out! Even if you’re a beginning exerciser. Even if you’re just thinking about starting to think about exercise, you’re welcome on the Fit Fatties Forum. And you’ll be surrounded by a supportive, loving community that can’t wait to answer your questions and rock out with you!
fatchicksings.com 