Filling the Barns

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We had the house tented for termites this past weekend.  This is a rite of passage that nearly all Southern California folks go through at some point in their lives, and it is a big pain in the tuckus.  We had to be out of the house for several days and we had to spend many hours prepping the house for the process.  Frankly we were dreading the whole thing.  We had researched some hotels in town that could accommodate us and our dog and we were frankly less than thrilled with the options.

Then my awesome husband came up with a brilliant idea.  “Let’s go camping!” he said.  I was skeptical.  I was waiting to hear back from a show producer.  I had piles and piles of work to do and I knew the campground didn’t have wi-fi.  How could I realistically take the weekend off?  I also wasn’t sure that prepping to live in a tent while we were prepping to tent the house seemed like such a good idea, but I agreed.  And getting ready for the trip was kind of tough with everything else going on, but boy am I ever glad we did.

We finally had just a breath of fall.  It was so nice to don a light jacket at night and to live without the whirr of the AC for a few days.  The weather was frankly, perfect.  Warm, sunny, clear and gorgeous.  We spent a lot of time doing nothing.  We walked.  We talked.  We looked at trees. We tasted apple cider.  We played with the dog.

This was definitely a lemons to lemonade situation here.  I had been wanting to take some time off, but just felt that I couldn’t.  I was clearly tense, frustrated and completely out of energy.  But somehow I felt I needed to keep slogging.  I was trying to keep the farm running and the livestock fed with an empty barn.

It was just a reminder that sometimes you have to stop and fill the barn.  Sometimes you have to quit waving the pitchfork around and you need to go get some hay.  Sometimes you’ve got to refuel.

Sure, I took almost a whole weekend off.  (I still took a producer call on Friday night and taught class Saturday morning.)  And you know what?  The world kept on turning.  I remembered that I have a family who loves me.  And I am ready to face that huge pile of stuff to do again with renewed energy and purpose.

I’m remembering again that I am one very lucky fat chick!

Love,

The Fat Chick

On being a Shameless Woman: How Forbes Got it Right

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Ooooo, I’m so excited about THIS article from the Forbes.com site She Negotiates!  In this piece, author Brooke Axtell talks about why shame doesn’t make us thinner OR healthier, and she rounds up an amazing group of experts including Dr. Michelle Segar and Dr. Linda Bacon.  And I’m resonating so deeply with what is said here that I’m ringing like a big old bell!  The article starts out asking a simple question:

The U.S. Diet and Weight Loss Industry produced over 60 billion dollars in revenue last year. With all the available information and products, why do many intelligent women continue to diet and exercise without achieving lasting results?

Good question!  Why do we keep banging our head on this same wall over and over again?  Why do we keep doing the same things we’ve always done before and expect different results.  Why are we behaving in a way that could be defined as insane?

The article goes on interview Dr. Michelle Segar.  And while I don’t intimately know her work and can’t comment on her personal feelings about weight loss, I couldn’t find much to fault in her interview here.  Basically, her research indicates that if you start trying to change your health and wellness from a point of self-hatred you are doomed to fail before you even start.  The article goes on to state:

Many of the behaviors that improve health, such as getting more sleep and making better eating choices, also lead to experiences, such as reduced stress, that contribute to happier lives. It is the positive experience that we crave and it is far easier to measure on a daily basis. Although many claim that their health is a priority, the truth is that we are far more motivated by wanting to feel good than to improve our health.

Yes, yes and YES!  In my experience with all of the folks that I work with, it’s the immediate pleasure of having fun, of building relationships with classmates, it’s the better sleep and higher confidence and improved sex life that comes with exercise that keeps them exercising.  You can create charts.  You can pull out your calipers and scales.  You can give the “deathfat” speech all you want.  You can even give them a “gold star” for being “good”.  But what keeps exercisers coming back for more is having a good time and feeling good both during and after exercise.  Period.

This is such an important idea.  So often people ask me why I call myself The Fat Chick.  They ask why I can’t just skip over the issue of being “curvy” and tell people to have fun while they are losing weight.  They ask why I can’t just “suggest” that they could or should lose weight.  But I can’t.  Because telling people to have fun while they are on the way to being worthy, while they are in the process of becoming okay just doesn’t work.  I have to tell them that they are okay now.  I have to let them know that they are worthy even if they never achieve the BMI or number on the scale they are seeking.  I have to let them know that we will experience joy right from the beginning of our work together, not after some magic number or arbitrary goal is achieved.  As the article states:

Ultimately, it matters why we exercise and eat healthy foods. This is important not only to sustain our efforts of authentic self-care, but also to resist the toxic messages of a 60 billion dollar industry that depends on women feeling ashamed of their bodies.

Amen, sister.  Amen.  So I’ll keep calling myself The Fat Chick, and I’ll keep focusing on feeling good and having fun.  I will refuse to fuel the industry built on shame that keeps us down and holds us back.  I’ll keep working with people of many different ages, weights and abilities.  I’ll call myself and all of my students worthy on the first day and the last day and every day in between.  To put it simply, that’s what works in the short term, the long term and the whole term.

Thanks for listening.

Love,

The Fat Chick

Stuff that Weighs More than Me: World’s Biggest Pumpkin

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Well it IS fall even if the weather in Southern California doesn’t seem to reflect it.  106 in October?  Are you kidding me?  It makes me sad for the kids that go and buy pumpkins to carve in early October.  Sure, where I grew up in Wisconsin, the weather is cool enough for those pumpkins to last a week or two.  But here?  In 100+ degree temperatures?  A carved pumpkin has a shelf life of a day or two at most.

Speaking of which, did ya see the pumpkin in the video up there?  Did ya?  Now that is one giant gourd!  I love watching how excited everybody is at the weigh in.  And it is pretty amazing.  This pumpkin utterly crushes the previous world record holder–outweighing its nearest competitor by over 200 lbs.  These pumpkins are really amazing–growing by 40 or even 50 lbs. per day in peak growing season.  In fact, rapid growth can lead to bursting, which is one massively messy problem to have.

I think even Linus would agree this is one Great Pumpkin!

I don’t have a lot of stats for this one other than the fact that the pumpkin is the first ever to reach the one-ton mark.  And at 2009 pounds the world’s heaviest pumpkin weighs more than me.

Thursday Theater: The Fat Chick Talks About Bullies

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My response to Jennifer Livingston’s amazing video and my entry for Ragen Chastain’s Amazing New Project.

:o)

Jeanette

PS: We. Will. Win.

The Ongoing Costs of Bullying

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It seems like everybody is talking about what television anchor Jennifer Livingston said on air on WKBT in La Crosse, WI.  If you haven’t heard it yet, go on up and watch the video.  I’ll wait.  In her video she talks about how we not only need to stand up to bullies, but also be an example to our children and show them how not to be bullies.

October is National Bullying Prevention month, and I can’t tell you how glad I am that Jennifer has helped bring bullying about weight to the forefront.  It seems to me that much of the discourse on bullying has been dominated by discussions of race or gender or sexual preference.  It also seems to me that in many of the discussions about bullying, weight has been left right out of the equation.  So I’m thrilled that weight is coming into the discussion and that “concern trolling” is being called out as a form of bullying.

I admire Jennifer so much for standing up to bullies in such a public way.  She’s not only standing up in public, but she’s standing up at work.  And working in television news is no picnic.  I know she worked very hard to get that coveted morning anchor spot.  She undoubtedly won that spot over a lot of other competitors.  A lot of those competitors were probably thinner and more closely mirrored current societal standards of appearance for a television anchor.  Just doing her job every day in such a public and competitive sphere is pretty darn brave.  To risk all she worked for, to risk the wrath of television viewers and pundits alike, for ‘coming out’ as a fat person, takes amazing strength.  And as a Midwestern girl, raised in Wisconsin, I can tell you that calling attention to herself in this way, putting herself forward like this in the town of La Crosse, WI flies in the face of a lot of our “nice girl” training.  It takes unbelievable courage.

As a fellow producer, I also want to call out the producers at WKBT for having the guts to put this on TV.  I’m talking about morning show producer Kelli Hoff andnews director Anne Paape as well as the rest of the producing team.  News at the local level is an extremely competitive business.  Allowing Jennifer to take that much airtime to share an extremely controversial and polarizing viewpoint takes serious guts.  That producer’s job is on the line for this.  It was a big risk, but luckily the response seems to be largely positive.

I am so glad that a light is being shined on this bullying business.  Because I think it’s time that we understood the real costs associated with it.  There’s the cost to kids concentration levels and education.  Can somebody who’s being tortured every day really focus on school?  Can they get the grades?  Can they do what they need to do to compete for those rapidly dwindling and extremely valuable spots at their favorite college?  Will they even survive school?  Or will they take their own precious lives and thus deprive the world of themselves?  And if they survive school, will they survive intact?  Or will they commit suicide a little bit every day by being smaller, being less than, blending in, and not being noticed?  Will these kids be what they were meant to be?  Will they dare?  Or will they let that part of themselves that is responsible for seeing that torture never happens again, that they are never hurt that way again, take charge?

That is what is so very exciting to me about what I saw morning anchor Jennifer Livingston do on television  yesterday.  She wasn’t just standing up to bullies that are after her now.  She was standing up to every bully she’s ever faced.  She was standing up to that part of her that told her that she had a good thing going with her anchor job and she shouldn’t blow it.  She was standing up to the part of her that told her she should be quiet and blend in.  She was standing up to the part of her that said she should be lesser so as to present a smaller target.

I want to thank both Jennifer and WKBT for standing up not only to the bullies they face now in the public and the board room but also to all the bullies they have faced their entire lives.  Your courage is an inspiration.

Sincerely,

Jeanette DePatie

AKA The Fat Chick

Why does doing good sometimes feel so bad?

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In yesterday’s post, I shared with you a glowing report about an amazingly awesome activism event–Take Back the Beach.  It was powerful and wonderful and moving.  It was a  special and discrete moment in time where things went well, everyone got along, and changing the world seemed not only possible, but inevitable.

And then I came back home to my email inbox. And that mailbox was filled with the real-life frustrations that come when many people within many groups try to make the world a better place.  Along with the magic moments of transcendence and transformation come many days of messy arguments over who holds what power and who is making the rules and who is following the rules and who gets the credit, and who gets to speak and who is heard.  Sometimes it’s really hard to hold the thread and keep the focus.  It’s easy to forget that it’s really about making the world a better place.

I wish I could say this experience is unique to one group, but I’ve experienced it in so many places and with so many organizations.  Sometimes it’s tempting to go off into a corner and just try to do activism all by yourself.  But that doesn’t work either.  To make change you need a lot of people, all working at the top of their game, all sharing to the best of their abilities.  Everyone needs to be valued.  Everyone needs to be recognized.  And each and every time, you have to realize that there is no group of people, anywhere in the world that is going to get it right all the time.  People are fallible and relationships are messy.  We are all by turns proud, defeated, aggressor, and victim.  All you can do is try to build groups with enough strength and elasticity to bend and not break when the wind blows through.  And then you try again.  And then you try again some more.  Wash, rinse and repeat.

That’s why it’s so helpful to have those special moments in the sun, like Take Back the Beach.  It helps me so much to have these memories to treasure and hold close and remember why the heck we’re doing this in the first place.

My little Chicklettes, please remember that the road to making the world a better place is never a smooth one.  Sometimes reaching a wing out to help somebody else simply results in two feathery butts bouncing on the ground.  But sometimes you and the entire flock will soar!  Here’s to remembering your days of high flying.

Love,

The Fat Chick

Beach taken Back by Cool Kids in Bikinis (News at Eleven)

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This last weekend I participated in an activism event at Huntington Beach called Take Back the Beach.  The event was a coming together of a number of size acceptance groups including the newly formed Size Diversity Task Force.  The event was full of fun for people of all shapes and sizes including a Hot Flash Mob for Menopause Awareness Month (video coming soon), a Flesh Mob (pictured above and led by national dance champion Ragen Chastain), a weenie roast, body surfing, sand, s’mores and well, more.  The weather was perfect, and I think we all had a wonderful time.

The event was fun and wonderful and powerful.  I have to admit however, that the event didn’t match the picture in my mind for a “stereotypical activism event”.  We didn’t march.  We didn’t chant or shout.  We didn’t camp out in tents or form human chains.  We simply put on our swimsuits and sunglasses, grabbed our “Know Fat Chicks” towels, slathered on sunscreen and relaxed.

But in a quiet and gentle way, activism happened.  People saw how much fun we were having and asked what we were up to.  Some people came by to say that they loved our energy.  Some little kids adopted us for a while and asked questions and spent time with us.  We danced in our swimsuits on the sand and on the boardwalk.  We smiled.  We laughed.  And we didn’t apologize.

Sure, there were stares.  For the most part, we met those stares with smiles and openness.  And by just getting together and relaxing and sharing our joy and baring some skin we made the beach a brighter and warmer place.

And it made me think of how we are activists when we are fully and deeply ourselves. Feeling comfortable in our skins and sharing our joy is an act of quiet and peaceful rebellion that ripples out and radiates like a big round stone dropped in a quiet pond.  Being open and inviting to those who stare at us is a shot across the bow for those who would categorize and stigmatize.  And just being there created a precedent for others who have been too afraid to feel the sun on their skin.

So my dear Chicklettes, I’d like to invite you to be an activist.  Whether it’s joining the new task force or putting on a swimsuit and dancing at the beach or marching with a sign or simply returning a stare with a smile, I invite you to reach out.  Stretch.  Shine.  The world is better with you in it.  So fully inhabit the planet with all of your awesomeness!

Love,

The Fat Chick

Stuff that Weighs More than Me: A Bicoastal Hot Flash Mob

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Well y’all have been hearing about that bi-coastal Hot Flash Mob we did earlier this month and we finally have the video up for your to share in all it’s awesomeness.  But October has just been designated International Menopause Awareness Month so we’re still right on time, right!?

Special thanks go out to my partner Dr. Eve Agee, to my San Francisco dance leader the always fabulous Ragen Chastain and to my other West Coast Dancers Julianne Wotasik and Deb Burgard. Thanks from the bottom of my heart for coming out and being awesome.  And of course, thanks to all my New York City dancers as well.

Also, I wanted to let all you Southern California girls know that we’re going to be doing ANOTHER Hot Flash Mob at Huntington Beach as part of our Take Back The Beach celebrations this Saturday (tomorrow). Click HERE for more info.

As to the weight of the bi-coastal Hot Flash Mob, I had no scale (Yay! or otherwise) at the event and so some back-of-the-envelope calculations are in order. There were collectively quite a lot of us. I think I can safely say that together, we accumulated over one ton of fun.

Conclusion: A bicoastal Hot Flash Mob weighs more than me. (And it’s too much fun to be contained in one place!)

Love,

The Fat Chick

Thursday Theater: Cats and Treadmills

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Okay, here’s the reality.  I love exercise, but I don’t love every form of exercise.  I love dance classes and I love walking outside and I love cross country skiing.  But when it comes to the treadmill, I have a feeling very much like the cats pictured above. “Hit it! HIT IT!”  I hate the treadmill with a deep, abiding passion.  And for me, even five minutes on that thing can feel like torture.

That’s why it’s so important to explore different kinds of exercise before you get too deeply involved in an exercise program.  If the only exercise I ever did was on a treadmill, I would say that I hated exercise.  And if the only exercise I could ever do was on a treadmill, chances are, I would quit.  Because I HATE the treadmill.

That’s why I often say, that exercise is kinda like sex.  If you hate it, chances are, you aren’t doing it right.  You need to try different things, sometimes a LOT of different things until you find the one that is right for you.

So my little Chicklettes, be bold and adventuresome!  Try a new form of fitness in the next few weeks.  Who knows, it may become your favorite.  If not, you can always smack it like the kitties do.

Love,

The Fat Chick

Lady Gaga’s Response to Body Comments

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Yesterday’s post was all about how bodies don’t come with a comment button, and that we are under no obligation to make our bodies look the way other people want them to look.   As you might guess, if ordinary people feel pressure to comply with societal standards about visual appearance, celebrities also feel a great deal of pressure.  That’s why I was somewhat excited to read about Lady Gaga’s response to the recent uproar about her “getting fat”.

Recently some photos and nasty articles were released that showed Lady Gaga looking a lot heavier than before.  There is a lot of discussion about the apparent distortion of these pictures, making Gaga appear shorter and heavier, being caused either by squishing them in Photoshop or because of the flattening effect of certain camera lenses.  In other photos and videos from these exact same appearances, Gaga looks notably thinner.  However, Gaga readily admits that she has gained about 25 pounds.  She says that she is “dieting now” and that she has gained weight because “she loves to eat” her Dad’s amazing Italian cooking.  But before you start wondering why I’m talking about her on my blog let me share with you that she also states, “I really don’t feel bad about it, not even for a second.”

Yesterday, Gaga shared on her site, LittleMonsters.com that has been dealing with anorexia and bulimia since she was 15.  She also included some photos of herself (with her eyes closed) wearing just a bra and panties.  And she launched a new subsection of her site called the BODY REVOLUTION.  Some copy on the new section reads:

My mother and I created the BORN THIS WAY FOUNDATION for one reason: “to inspire bravery.” This profile is an extension of that dream. Be brave and celebrate with us your “perceived flaws,” as society tells us. May we make our flaws famous, and thus redefine the heinous.

She also popped up this past weekend in Paris wearing this dress.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I can’t hold Lady Gaga up as an unflinching paragon of size acceptance.   Not that long ago she was criticized for her “pop stars don’t eat” twitter post.  One might wonder whether the photos in her undies are as much about proving her relative thinness as they are about revealing her soul.  But I do think she’s trying to shine a lens on the ugliness of body snarking and the intense pressure girls and women face to be thin.  And I think in revealing her lifelong struggles with anorexia and bulimia, she is admitting that she doesn’t claim to have all this body stuff figured out.  It’s a process.  It’s a challenge.

But I am excited that at least part of what has come of all of this is one of the pop icons of our times inviting fans to embrace themselves as they are on her site stating:

Hey Guys its Gaga… Now that the body revolution has begun, be brave and post a photo of you that celebrates your triumph over insecurities.

Time will tell whether this movement towards body acceptance will stick with Gaga or drop along with her 25 pounds.  She may stay on this path.  She may be hawking weight loss products in six months.  I don’t know.  But it’s hard not to see that all celebrity bodies seem to come complete with a comment button.

So my little Chicklettes, can we take some good from this?  Sure!  First, let’s note that some of the “sexiest” and “most popular” women in the world struggle with body image.  And while I wouldn’t begin to compare your struggles with the struggles of anyone else, it’s good to know that we all have those struggles in one way or another.  Next, let’s take a minute to celebrate your triumphs large and small over body insecurity.  And finally, I’d love for you to remember that wherever you are on your journey to body acceptance, we are all works in progress.  Nobody is perfect at loving himself or herself.  But with gentleness and kindness we are on our way!

Love,

The Fat Chick