The Fat Chick demonstrates the right to Bare Arms on July 4, 2013.
In episode 15 of The Right Now Show, Jeanette DePatie (AKA The Fat Chick) shares her declaration of body independence just in time for the 4th of July. This is a reprise of a previous blog post you can find here. Assert your right to bare arms! Declare your freedom against the diet industry and appearance overlords! And enjoy life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness in the body you have right now!
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If my blogging has been somewhat irregular this week, it’s because I’ve gone home. I’ve gone to the house that my Mom and Dad and sister and I built with our own hands, stick by stick and brick by brick. I’ve gone back to the deep green grass and country quiet of where i grew up in Wisconsin. My sister moved into the house we built together and now lives there with her husband and two kids–my nieces. The older of these just graduated from High School and I was there to celebrate with her and 50 other family members. She’s headed off to college in the fall, and I’m so proud I could bust!
It was odd being back in our old family home, but deeply comforting as well. I was surprised at how little had changed. I have to admit I am feeling acutely aware of the passage of time. I had a minor freak-out when I realized that my niece is now the same age as I was when I met my husband. Yikes!
But on the second day of the trip, as I sat on the front porch and watched the sun go down over the pond, I had some time to think. And one of the thoughts I thunked was about how wonderful it was to find a place of peace that is deeply connected with your roots and who you are. And immediately following I thought, wouldn’t it be great if we could feel that way about our bodies? Wouldn’t it be great if getting in touch with our physical selves gave us a sense of “going home”. If checking in with our limbs and our laughter and our breathing and the beating of our hearts could ground us, remind us of where we came from and who we are? Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could return to our physical being, if we could rest in the core of ourselves and simply find peace?
I have to own up to a certain amount of family privilege here. Sure, I’ve had disagreements with my family, but I’ve always known without a single doubt that in all important things, they had my back. They are my posse. I live in certainty that the strong family I have has allowed me to grow to who I’ve become. And when it comes to family and being loved, I have enjoyed an embarrassment of riches.
I’m acutely aware that not everyone has this “home” to go back to.
But it is this idealized version of this moment of coming home that I wish for all of us. That we find in ourselves the love we may not have always had, but have always, always craved. That we find in the cradle of our bellies and the length of our arms the embrace we deeply desire for ourselves, rocking us and assuring us that we’re okay, we’re okay, we’re okay.
Love,
The Fat Chick
Like my posts? You’ll love my stuff!
Buy my book: The Fat Chick Works Out! (Fitness that is Fun and Feasible for Folks of All Ages, Shapes Sizes and Abilities)–available in softcover and e-book versions
Buy my DVD: The Fat Chick Works Out! (A Safe, Easy and Fun Workout for Klutzes, Wimps and Absolute Beginners!)
I recently came across this lecture from Jill Kilbourne and wanted to share it with you. In one of the classes I’ve been teaching we’ve been talking extensively about media’s role in women’s self esteem. I think it’s so very important to understand with Ms. Kilbourne has to say here. That we often find ourselves viewing magazines or television ads or billboards, and feeling inadequate because we don’t look like the women in the pictures. But, hello, even the women in the pictures don’t look like the women in the pictures. With Photoshop, no woman need ever have flaws. And I’ve heard through back channels that some actresses have right in their contract that their image on television must be slightly vertically stretched to make them appear taller and thinner.
Couple this with the fact that hardly anyone approaching average size appears on television or in advertising. The average American woman is a size 12 on the top and a 14 on the bottom. Most women on television or in advertising are a size 2, 0 or even 00. To give you a frame of reference, when Cameryn Manheim was on The Practice she was about a size 14 and quite tall. When I met her in person, I was struck by how average her size looked in real life. But on TV she seemed pretty large. Now some say that the camera adds 15 pounds, but I don’t really think that’s what’s at work here. What is at work here is that she was surrounded by a whole cast of people that were very, very significantly smaller than average. So by contrast, she seemed bigger.
I sometimes wish I could have a special Photoshop tool or television/video filter that would allow me to make everybody on TV and in ads look a little more average or a little more normal. I think it would help the rest of us gain some perspective on how other people look. But when I get really down, I go do a little “field work”. I go to a mall, or a gym or a public pool, I sit on a bench or in a chair and I just look at people. I regain my sense of how real people look. People all looking SO different from one another. People with tattoos and scars and stretch marks. People of all different shapes and sizes and colors. All different kinds of hair in all different places. Smiles shining out of faces not lit for the cameras, but rather lit from within, from lives well lived. I regain my perspective. It really feels great. Maybe you’d like to try it and report back? I’d love to hear how it went!
This past Saturday, I had the great privilege to speak on behalf of the Size Diversity Task Force at the Stop The Pain Anti Bullying Conference in Riverside. I spoke about all bodies being good bodies and I talked with them about the fact that weight-related bullying can come from many sources including parents, teachers, doctors and coaches. It seemed like many of them were interested in the topic and I had a great time. But one of the moments that really touched me, came from a Dad in the back of the room.
The room was overfilled and he had stood against the wall for the entire presentation. At the end I asked for questions and he raised his hand. He said that he had come to the presentation on behalf of his sixteen year old daughter. He said that he came with his beautiful wife (and he gestured towards her) because he wanted to know how to help his daughter. He said that his daughter had always been somewhat heavier, and that she was having a hard time accepting herself. He said that he and his wife told her that she was beautiful every day, but that she was having a hard time believing it. He wanted to know what he should do.
I told him first of all, that he should keep telling her that she is beautiful. That maybe it doesn’t seem like it’s sinking in, but that she’s hearing it. I told her that sometimes we aren’t ready for that message at that moment in our lives, but that there will come a moment at some time in our lives when we are ready, and we will gather those words and those memories to us at that time and we will treasure them always. I told him that he could offer help, but that he has to be patient. She will only accept help when she’s ready. I suggested that he could direct her towards support groups like the Size Diversity Task Force that could some day help her find her way through the prejudice out there and help her emerge triumphant as a size positive freedom fighter. And I thanked him for asking the question.
Honestly, I was blown away by this guy and his wife. They cared enough about their daughter to stand in a hot classroom for an hour and listen to me talk about my journey, size diversity, size prejudice, the near impossibility of permanent weight loss, Health At Every Size and more. They were able to keep their minds open and see if they could learn something new. And they were humble enough to ask for help. Now I have no idea what it is really like for them in their house and in their family. But I was deeply moved by the idea that there are parents out there willing to buck the status quo to really help their kids and there is hope in this world of size oppression within strong families willing to care for their kids in a way that may not be “socially acceptable” but in a way that works.
I am deeply grateful to Kandee Lewis and the Size Diversity Task Force for this opportunity to speak, but more importantly to listen and learn from other folks who are working to end bullying in their own lives and the lives of others.
I ran across this old recording of an interview with Jim Morrison this week. In this refreshingly frank discussion, Morrison asks, “what’s wrong with being fat”? He recounts a time in college when he was at his heaviest. And rather than describing that time as a auditory “before” picture, he relates how being bigger made him feel strong and substantial and powerful. He doesn’t describe his extra weight as making him miserable in any way. He simply talks, in a matter of fact way about the fact that his body was different and that it wasn’t really such a big deal.
It’s interesting to review this interview in the context of the current hysteria over weight. Could or would Mr. Morrison have made that recording today? Would his rock star status give him a pass in today’s society? Or would he be part of a media storm shaming him for being a bad role model for kids around the world? Would his conventional good looks and talent give him permission to promote the “freshman 15” or in this case the “freshman 40” or would he be silenced by voices who take profit and satisfaction from the promotion of “thin at any cost”? Or is this recording only surfacing now because it simply couldn’t be released back in 1969? Was it too unacceptable back then? Was it too controversial? Or was it simply not titillating enough to be considered interesting back then?
I’m not entirely sure about all this. In fact, I would love to hear your thoughts. But one thing I do know for sure. If you want approach body acceptance like a rock star, this is not such a bad example.
I confess, the second day of the year is often a bit of a letdown for me. We’ve been preparing and preparing for the holidays. We’ve made (and distributed) over 120 dozen cookies. We’ve drunk our New Year’s Drinks and made our New Year’s pledges. The tree will stay up to the weekend but is as dry as a poor doggie’s bone. And I am faced with the harsh reality of having to get the heck back to work. I don’t get that warm, righteous, it’s a holiday but I’m working anyway satisfaction. Nope. I have that, I really don’t have an excuse so I gotta get back to it for heaven’s sake kinda deal. Meh.
On the other hand I do find this time of year very invigorating. I’m working with a whole bunch of absolutely amazing people on some ridiculously cool plans. This is the time of year to believe anything is possible. This is the time of year to make outrageous commitments and sign up for stuff just because it seems like it might be cool. So I’m sucking down my coffee and sucking it up just in time to tell you about some amazing things going on right now, and coming down the pike. Let’s DO this people!
New Fat Chick Clique Personalized Training Programs
On January 14, we’ll be launching our all-new training program built on The Fat Chick Works Out! book and DVD. The program (available at several different levels) will feature a live teleconference every week on Monday nights. You’ll receive personal encouragement emails, lots of opportunities to interact with your fellow exercisers and will have access to a variety of personal training options. Special discounts are offered (through January 14 only) for members of Fit Fatties and The Fat Chick Clique. Even deeper discounts are available for folks also participating in the new Fit Fatties Training Groups (see below).
Fit Fatties Across America
On the Fit Fatties Forum, we’re doing the Fit Fatties Across America project. All you have to do is join the forum (it’s free). Then if you wish to participate, simply fill in the form each time you exercise with the date and your time or distance. We’re going to compile everybody’s time and distance and figure out how long it will take the fit fatties to move across the country. We’re starting in New York City and making our (virtual) way to Los Angeles. Once there, a real, in the flesh, super cool party will be had!
New Training Groups
Also on the Fit Fatties Forum, we are creating 4 new premium training groups. For a modest fee, you’ll be able to join a special group of folks either involved in training for distance events, getting in 150 minutes of exercise per week, dedicated to moving just for the fun of it and yes, even a group participating with the Zombies, Run! application. The group will have private facebook message boards, participate in dedicated email groups and get special and personalized advice from forum founders Ragen Chastain and yours truly. Discounts are available to those who register before January 15, so sign up now!
Set a World Record!
After Ragen Chastain heard about the new program from Angela Meadows to destroy diet books as part of our New Year’s Revolution, she contacted a few of us at the Size Diversity Task Force with an idea. Let’s do this as a group and collect over 20,000 pages of diet books to destroy. Which gave me an idea, a big idea, a rascally, super large, crazy idea. Let’s use all those magazines to create a sculpture like Brenda Oelbaum does, but let’s make it the world’s LARGEST! Let’s go for a World Record here. This is all part of my tired of being timid, go big or go home plan for 2013. Wanna join us? You can participate from anyplace in the world. You can either send diet books, contribute money for us to “liberate” diet books ( from resale shops and garage sales where the book creators won’t be financially compensated for what is essentially paper mâché plaster) or even fly or drive in to join us on the big day! You can click here to stay updated on the details.
Super Secret New Project
I can’t reveal this super secret new project I’m working on quite yet, but I am a tease! So I’ll tell you to keep checking back here for a super cool totally new thing that I’ll be offering. Stay tuned!
So while one party has ended, another one is just beginning. Let’s get it started in here!
Whew, well there is a lot of cool and fun and exciting things for us to do together in the coming year! So grab a cup of coffee and let’s get clickin! Post-party ennui aside, I just can’t wait.
It’s hard to say whether kids today have an easier time or a harder time with the whole size acceptance thing. On the one hand, kids have access to a much more diverse community now. When many of us who are currently adults were children, our community was pretty small. We were influenced by television and magazines and movies of course. But most of our role models and experience came from a much smaller group comprised of our friends, the kids at school, our church or community group, the folks in the neighborhood and our families. Via social media, kids nowadays have access to a much wider group of people. There are social groups focused on size acceptance on the internet. And some of their heroes like Adele and Lady Gaga have spoken out directly about the notion that kids can love their bodies just as they are. Thus many kids are exposed at a much earlier age to the concept of size acceptance.
On the other hand, that social media is a double-edged sword. Kids are constantly communicating and critiquing one another. Mistakes can be immortalized via words, photos and videos and be part of an child’s online presence for life. If a group of kids should decide to pick on another kid, they can do so relentlessly, 24 hours per day and 7 days per week. They can find and follow their target even if they choose to move away. Sometimes this cyber bullying can have disastrous consequences.
And there’s also the question of kids being sexualized at a much younger age. Kids as young as 3 are paraded around in beauty contests. Companies sell padded bikini tops to preteens. Child actors and particularly singers are presented as sex objects well before the age of consent. Kids are under more pressure than ever to conform to an extremely thin, sexually desirable, designer clad, hot number at younger and younger ages. And yes, obesity and childhood type 2 diabetes have gone up in the past 20 years (although there is ample evidence that this is now leveling off or even decreasing). But we also have a situation where hospitalizations for eating disorders for kids under the age of 12 is up 119%. That’s kids UNDER 12 here folks.
So what are we to do? How can we help? Well one thing we can do is all go sign the petition created by Ragen Chastain and I to keep kids off the next season of The Biggest Loser. The last thing kids need is to see other kids like themselves battered, bullied and abused on national television just because of the size of their bodies. If you haven’t signed the petition, hop on over there and do it. I’ll wait…
But the other thing I think we grownups can do, especially when we are grownups of size is to be good roll models for our kids. Sure we can also be good role models. We can choose not to disparage other people for their size and we can speak out when we see it happening. But I’m also talking about rolls of flesh–our bumps, and love handles and folds of skin. We can wear those body “imperfections” with pride. We can wear tank tops. We can choose not to speak negatively about our bodies, especially in front of kids. By walking around, comfortable in our own skin, we send kids the message that bodies are wonderful and beautiful and diverse–and that there are lots and lots of other things we can choose to be neurotic about other than how we look in our skinny jeans. I’m not talking about lecturing to kids. We all know how well that goes. I’m talking about simply modeling a level of casual comfort over the whole body thing. Because so often while kids are busy not doing what we tell them, they are watching intently to see what we do.
So what about you? Are there ways that you can be a roll model for today’s youth? I’d love to hear what YOU think!
Today I was privileged to read this powerful post from a woman speaking about how she chose to call herself beautiful in front of her daughters. She understands the power of claiming, unconditionally, that she is beautiful in front of her kids. She spoke of how it must have seemed confusing for her young offspring in the past, when they thought her beautiful, but she negated that reality.
She says:
How confusing it must have been to have me say to them, “You think I am beautiful, but you are wrong. You are small and you love me, so you’re not smart enough to know how unattractive I am. I know I am ugly because I see myself with mean eyes. You are my child and I love you, but I will not allow myself to be pretty, for you.
What a profound thing this is.–to understand the power we gain not only for ourselves, but also for all who love us, when we claim our power to be beautiful. When we cast false modesty aside and inhabit our glorious, gorgeous selves we do more than make ourselves feel better. We also create space for others to feel beautiful. We wrest control from media outlets and glossy glamour magazines, over the definition of fabulous. We teach our children that beauty comes in an unending variety of sizes, shapes, colors and types. We cast aside the fear that we will never again be worthy of adoration–that we will never again be enough to make someone gasp at our audacity and amazing selves. And we prevent that fear from tainting the lives of our children. We own the definition of ravishing and rapturous and we choose to apply it to ourselves. And once we’ve applied those labels to ourselves, who would dare, WHO WOULD DARE take it from us?
I find this concept endlessly exciting. The notion that claiming our power encourages other women to do the same. And that making acceptance of ourselves unconditional before our children, we teach them to love themselves forever, rather than for the short time they are young, thin, unblemished, untarnished and inexperienced. What a spectacular and lasting legacy!
So my dear friends. What would happen for you if you cast off the need to be modest and demure? How profound is the impact of accepting yourself unconditionally and forever, just as you are? And just how large is the gift to those who come behind, when you model this calm, confident and peaceful contentment on a day to day basis?
In Zed Nelson’s amazing exhibition entitled “Love Me” is this photo of a woman who had her toes shortened to better fit into Jimmy Choo’s stiletto heels.
Recently a friend shared a link with me to an article at TheHoopla.com.au entitled Body Perfection: A New Religion. The article talks about an exhibition by renowned photographer Zed Nelson entitled “Love Me“. The exhibition showed works from Nelson’s five year project which took him to 17 countries to document just how far people will go to attain the “perfect appearance”. From vaginal rejuvenation, to leg lengthening to having toes shortened simply to fit into fashionable shoes, the photos are shocking and sometimes heart breaking.
In many ways, it reminds me of foot binding in China. Beginning as early as 900 AD and enduring into the 20th century, this practice involved breaking the bones in the feet of young girls and rebinding them into a smaller shape. It was done to ensure that the girls would be seen as ladies and to make them more attractive potential wives for wealthy men. Many people, especially in the west, see this practice as barbaric. But really, how different is this from getting your toes shortened to fit into fashionable shoes? Yes we have better surgical practices now. But still, it begs the question–just how far are we willing to go to be fashionable, attractive to the opposite sex and to wear our bodies as a signal of status? Many of these surgeries still may cause complications, from infection to permanent disfigurement to death. And although these complications are rare, the fact that people are willing to face those sorts of risks in the name of “beauty” says something profoundly frightening about our culture.
I wonder about the world that we are creating not only for ourselves, but also for our sons and daughters. Are we creating a new surgical divide between the haves and have nots? Will surgical and other alterations of our bodies become so commonplace that those who have natural bodies are seen as the “working class” or impoverished lower class? Or has this already happened and we just didn’t notice it?
I don’t know. But it makes me more determined than ever to parade my unaltered, unretouched, fluffy, feathery butt down the avenue. If avoiding plastic surgery is a somehow counter culture, then just call me a rebel baby.
Today on facebook I came across two different posts about how people in the world feel compelled to share their disappointment that not everybody in the world chooses to meet their personal standard of beauty on a 24/7 basis. First, I came across this post from the truly awesome Fat Fox. (Note: frustration leads to some colorful, sailor-like language.) In this guest post on Fat But Not Afraid’s Blog, she talks about the “always wear a bra” requirement some feel compelled to share. She also notes that those folks can just kiss her–well like I said, sailor talk.
And then I ran across this story shared on facebook by Atchka Fatty of Fierce Freethinking Fatties, in which a girl who is simply standing line and texting on her phone is photographed and made the subject of ridicule on reddit. Be sure to read her beautiful and thoughtful response at the link above.
Honestly! What is it with people? Last time I checked, there was no comment button pasted on my body, ANYWHERE. Just exactly how much ego is required in order for you to expect everybody in the entire world to continually live up to your personal rules about how they should look? I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure that amount of ego weighs more than me.
My dear Chicklettes, are you starting to see how it is not your responsibility to look the way other people think you need to look? Are you starting to understand that the problem is not how big your butt is, but rather, how small their mind is? Are you starting to understand that you can choose to make the fact that somebody doesn’t like you just because of your outward appearance, NOT YOUR PROBLEM?
Good!
Because you are awesome, wonderful, gorgeous and deserving of love exactly the way you are right this very moment.
fatchicksings.com 