Tag Archives: bullying

Dance Like Nobody’s Watching–Even at the Airport

Okay, first you gotta watch the video. Grab a cup of coffee and click the arrow. It will only take a minute.

Wow, how cool is that? We’ve all had the experience of standing in the bloody baggage claim area after a long flight, watching that little belt go around, straining hopelessly to catch a glimpse of our long lost underwear. But not this girl. Oh no. She just put on some tunes and rocked out!

When was the last time you did something like that? I think maybe it has been years and years for me. I used to regularly engage in PAI (Public Acts of I-don’t-care-what-you-think). When I was a kid, I was an endless source of humiliation for my poor sister. I wore crazy hats. I was kicked out of grocery stores. My cousin regularly reminds me of how we used to ride around town in her convertible with the top down and me singing opera at the top of my lungs.

What happened?

Is it just because I’m older? Have I grown wary and frightened? Or is it because I got bigger? Were I to dance around at the airport like that today, would people around mostly ignore me or smile gently like they do at the girl in the video? Or would they hurl insults at me and call me names like they did a few months back at the restaurant?

But I often wonder if this is one of the most insidious repercussions for those of us who have been bullied. How many insults can we endure before we shut down? How many of us have had our bright, bright lights muted under bushel baskets for years and years because we have been traumatized, battered, and bruised by very public opinions about our bodies? I continue to wonder about the squandering of those most precious resources. Resources we desperately need in our society like energy, inspiration, spontaneity, creativity, courage and joy. Can our world afford to throw these precious gifts away in order to sell more diet pills and gain more research funding for take home bulimia kits? I don’t think it can.

So my friends, let’s see if we can’t find a way to get our collective mojo back. I think exploring our inner child is a good start. And so is collecting for radically awesome events like A Fatty Affair. And joining fantastic groups like The Size Diversity Task Force can’t hurt either. After being part of the SDTF, inspired me to shoot this video on a busy weekday at my local thrift store. I’m committed to doing whatever it takes. Because hiding our light under a bushel basket doesn’t just diminish us personally, it deprives the world of our fantastic, glorious, gorgeous light, which is a crime against humanity. So let’s see if we can’t find even more ways to pull those bushel baskets off and dance like nobody’s watching.

Love,

The Fat Chick

Ellen and the Biggest Bully

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I love the Ellen show. I love the sweet, silly nature of it. I love the dance breaks. I love Ellen’s work to end bullying. So I was so very sad when one of my readers gave me a heads up that Jillian Michaels was going to be interviewed on the Ellen show. Sure enough, the show aired yesterday, and I am so very disappointed. I am so sad that Ellen had professional bully Jillian Michaels on her show for a super soft interview. First, she let Jillian go on and on about how she’s helping people with The Biggest Loser. Please. Who exactly is Jillian helping with that show? Scientific studies have been conducted. One of those studies indicates that people are less likely to exercise after watching The Biggest Loser. So the show discourages exercise. What about weight loss? According to Yoni Freedhoff in his excellent article “When Science Met the Biggest Loser” even former contestants of the show are unlikely to keep the weight off. There are a few, who have since made their body size into a career with lucrative speaking engagements and product endorsements who manage to stay thin. A group of researchers including the show’s own Robert Huizenga have determined that those participating in shows like The Biggest Loser face an extremely significant metabolic slowdown after their weight loss, making it very difficulty and extremely unlikely that participants will maintain their weight loss. Another study cited in Freedhoff’s excellent article indicates that people who watched even a single episode of The Biggest Loser led viewers to “dramatically increase their own hateful and negative biases towards those with obesity”.

So who is Jillian helping? She’s making millions of dollars participating in a show that increases stigma against people of size, makes people less likely to exercise and espouses a weight loss method almost guaranteed to leave participants even larger in the long run.

Next, Jillian went on to complain that her role on the show is taken out of context and that people see her as a “cartoon caricature”. Yet, in this same episode of Ellen, Jillian participates in a segment where she “yells at Ellen” and is in turn yelled at by Sean Hays for not, yelling at Ellen well enough. The clip concludes with Ellen and Sean making sure Jillian is gone and then stuffing popcorn and donuts into their face as quickly as they can. So if Jillian worried about her image as the woman who yells at people a lot, she sure has a funny way of dispelling that image. I think it important to mention the one thing in this clip that is accurate. There are studies that indicate that shaming and bullying people is more likely to produce binge eating and other negative health habits than to encourage healthy habits. So score one for accuracy there. But I don’t think Jillian is misunderstood. She is a professional bully. She makes her living by finding new ways to humiliate and shame fat people. She makes MILLIONS of dollars at it. Misunderstood? I think she’s understood only too well. If by chance there is some shred of decency in her, if she really doesn’t believe in behaving like a cartoon villain, guess what? All she had to do was walk away from the show and not come back. All she had to do was turn down those big fat paychecks. She didn’t. She may use that “I’m helping people” line to make herself feel better, but she isn’t making people feel better. She isn’t making people healthier. What she’s making is money and LOTS of it. What’s not to understand?

Then Jillian went on to a section where she busted some exercise myths. Please. As if Jillian Michaels is somebody we should trust to fill us in on health and fitness. The Biggest Loser is one of the greatest perpetrators of exercise myths on the planet. As I pointed out in two previous posts, just about everything they do on The Biggest Loser goes against solid exercise science. And as was stated previously in this post, science indicates that The Biggest Loser does more harm than good. Either Jillian is in agreement with what happens on The Biggest Loser which demonstrates poor analytical skills, or she’s in disagreement with what happens on The Biggest Loser and participates merely to make a buck. Either way, this is not a person I’m going to turn to for solid advice about health and fitness.

I can’t say I’m disappointed in Jillian. She delivered exactly the kind of nonsense I thought she would. But I am disappointed that Ellen caved to whatever pressure was brought to bear and allowed someone like Jillian Michaels on her show. I’m so sad that Ellen offered yet another media platform to a person who makes her living hurting and humiliating fat people.

By the way, the petition to keep kids off The Biggest Loser is still live. If you haven’t signed yet, you still can. Why not do it Right Now?

Love,

The Fat Chick

Biggest Loser: Part Two Corrective Guide Based on Exercise Science

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If you are doing as the advertising suggests and watching the latest season of The Biggest Loser with your family, you may have seen some stuff that is pretty disturbing. In the first episode, we’ve got folks falling off treadmills, needing emergency medical attention and the usual Biggest Loser Barf Fest. We’ve also got trainers yelling, screaming, insulting and bullying contestants in the hopes of helping them get in shape. But as I suggested yesterday, this is “reality” television. And a lot of the techniques you see on this show are the exact opposite of what we are taught as fitness professionals. A lot of that stuff is just plain wrong. And some of it is downright dangerous.

As I mentioned in yesterday’s post, there is just so much misinformation about health and fitness on this season of The Biggest Loser, I just can’t fit it all into one blog post. So here on Thursday Theater day, I bring you part two. (Click on the photo above to see a short YouTube clip for this week’s Thursday Theater). Let’s talk just a little bit more about what you and your kids might have “learned” on the show and why it’s a really bad idea to make it part of your fitness practice.

4. The best way to motivate somebody to get fit is to yell, scream, curse at them, and bully them.

There’s an awful lot of evidence out there that bullying, yelling, screaming, shaming, cursing at and frightening people is a terrible long term strategy for motivating them to get and stay in shape. People tend to be drawn to things that give them pleasure and shy away from things that cause them pain. Being publicly shamed is extremely painful for most people. In addition, there is ample evidence that people stick to exercise longer if they are intrinsically (internally) motivated rather than those who are extrinsically (outwardly) motivated. So a person who identifies herself as an exerciser and works out because of the benefits she sees for herself (and also happens to enjoy the workout) is far more likely stick to exercise than someone who is motivated by shame and fear, especially if that shame and fear is applied by someone outside of themselves. After all, what are you going to do when there isn’t a crazy mean lady who gets paid millions of dollars to scream at you every day. Eventually you have to do it by yourself. And you’ll have a much better chance of doing it yourself if you’ve built up the inner strength and self-esteem to be your own cheerleader.

And lest you be tempted to bully your kids into losing weight, let me tell you right now that this is likely to backfire. Recent evidence indicates that kids being bullied from any source, be it school playgrounds, teachers, coaches and parents is likely to make kids engage in healthy behaviors and may make them gain more weight in the long run. Not to mention the fact that kids who are bullied tend to have lower grades and poorer school attendance. Being bullied frankly messes kids up, sometimes permanently. If your kid is being bullied at school because he is fat, the last thing you should do is be another bully in his life.

5. It is normal, feasible and desirable for a person to lose 10, 15 or over 20 pounds in one week.

When I was studying to be a personal trainer, I learned that there are two ways to lose 20 pounds in one week–dehydration and decapitation. The weight loss levels on the Biggest Loser are not reasonable or sustainable by most people. Furthermore there have been some suggestions that the length of a “week” (as long as 15 days) as well as hydration levels (including dehydrating contestants to the point of urinating blood) are manipulated to make it look like contestants are losing more weight. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and the National Institutes of Health, suggests losing no more than 1/2 to 2 pounds per week. They suggest you may lose a few more pounds in the first 3 weeks of a program, but should not try to sustain weight losses at that level for more than two or three weeks without serious medical supervision.

Rapid weight loss can lead to a variety of health problems including gallstones, dehydration, dizziness, depression, and loss of lean muscle including heart muscle. If you goal is health, the last thing in the world you want to do is lose lean muscle mass. And losing muscle mass in your heart can be seriously dangerous.

Long story short, it’s not really safe or sustainable to lose more than two pounds per week at home.

To sum up, The Biggest Loser is a commercial television show on a for-profit network. Press releases, promotional video and pompous rhetoric aside, their main goal is to make money. Television shows make money by having better ratings. Losing 1/2 pound per week in a rational sustainable way may be the healthiest option, but it makes for lousy TV. Please take these facts into consideration as you watch the show, and decide whether or not to use anything on that show as a guide for your own health practice. Because what makes for good TV may not make for a healthy body. Please let common sense be your guide.

Love,

The Fat Chick

P.S. If you are upset that The Biggest Loser has chosen to take on “childhood obesity” this season, consider signing our petition here.

If you’re looking for sensible and rational assistance for your exercise efforts, consider joining The Fat Chick’s Personal Training Programs. If you sign up before January 14, you can try any of my training programs for just $25. We’re also offering special training groups on the Fit Fatties Forum starting at just $10 per month!

There is a lot of very detailed and specific information about how to build a safe and pleasurable exercise regime found in my book The Fat Chick Works Out! (Fitness that is Fun and Feasible for Folks of all Ages, Shapes, Sizes and Abilities). You can pick up an autographed copy for just $16.95 (plus S+H) on my website.

Also remember that a little exercise adds up to a lot over time. And exercise is more fun when you do it together. So you might want to consider adding your exercise totals to our Fit Fatties Across America program. We’re pooling all of our exercise minutes and miles as we make our way across the country. We went 167 miles in the first few days of the program, and we’re hoping to reach St. Louis this week! Make sure to enter your exercise data by noon on Friday to count towards this week’s totals!

Sit Down Piggy

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Look, I captured a (feline) bully.

“Sit down piggy. You just sit yourself down you fat b@#$ch!” My mouth hung open as I heard these words leveled at me at a local restaurant. I asked, “Excuse me? What did you say?” and the tirade went on and on. Seriously. They called me piggy and fat b!@#ch over and over again. Apparently these two young mothers (apparently sisters) didn’t have a whole lot of interesting things to say. (Frankly, I’ve faced more creative bullying from 8-year-old kids.) So, not knowing anything about me, they grasped at the one insult they felt sure would leave me dejected and destroyed. But it didn’t quite work. Neither dejected nor destroyed, I simply stood my ground, and looked at them and asked, “What is the matter with you people?”
I could go into a long drawn out story about how we got to this moment. Two birthday parties right next to one another in a very crowded restaurant. We could hash out details about who gave whom a dirty look and which children were running amok. And so on. And so on. But I can tell you that after everyone else in their party had left, and on their way out the door these two women, walked by our table and said, “I hope you enjoy your party, you b$#ches!” Which led me to walk up to them and say, “Excuse me?”. Thus launching them into the tiresome and oh so repetitive “fat piggy” tirade.

Like so many of us, I had a severe attack of staircase wit afterwards. I thought of 1,000 things I wish I had said about the wonderful example they were setting for their darling children, the fact that they were willing to go to unbelievable lengths to avoid taking any personal responsibility for anything, and their astonishing lack of creativity in the playground taunting department. But you know what I really wish? I wish I had recorded them on my camera phone. I wish I could save that moment and share it with the world. I wish I could show others exactly what people of size put up with every day. Because I know this happens every day.

In this particular situation, I knew I was headed into a minefield. I was confronting someone who had bullied me. But so often, while minding our own business, walking down the street, shopping at a grocery store or riding a bike, we face bullying and teasing and harsh words for no reason at all. We are mooed at. We have people comment about the contents of our plates or our shopping carts. We have insults hurled at us from speeding cars. And I could go on and on about the unspeakably horrible things people leave in the comments sections of our pages and blogs and online profiles. Those of us who are fat, know this. We know that abuse happens all the time. And it happens to nearly all of us at one time or another.

But many folks who are average sized or thin, do not know about this abuse. They have no idea what fat people go through. I suspect many of them would be horrified if they saw this behavior. And I think if they saw this with their own eyes on a blog or on YouTube, some of them just might choose to rally behind us fatties.

So the next time this happens, I hope I have the presence of mind to channel my inner documentary filmmaker, pull out my cell phone and record that nonsense for posterity. I’ll let the world see the ugliness these bullies throw down. Future bullies had just better watch out. They may become an unwitting star in my big fat reality show.

And if you just happen to capture on your cell phone some video of the bullies being nasty, closed minded and possibly not very creative towards you, could you send me a link the video? Just send the link to jeanette@thefatchick.com and put “I captured a bully” in the subject line. I’m putting together a little project called “capture the bullies” to shine a light on this ongoing hateful nonsense.

In any case, it’s important to keep in mind that no matter what, we don’t have to let the bullies rule our lives and we don’t have to let them win. Because as I along with several others have pointed out via Ragen Chastain’s amazing project, we are better than the bullies.

Stay strong my friends.

Love,

The Fat Chick

The Fat Chick on TV: Talking About Body Snarking

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Hello my friends! I am excited to share with you this interview from CBS news in LA about “body snarking”. This is a relatively new term that refers to feeling the need to comment on the bodies of other people, usually in a nasty, negative or sarcastic way. Seems like this has really come to the forefront after Lady Gaga started speaking out about her weight. Don’t be stressed out by the sad stuff in the beginning of the story. I think it ends in my happy place! And I’m pleased to be included in story about body snarking that suggests learning to deal with the “snarkers” rather than suggesting that the “snarkees” simply need to lose weight. It’s surprising now to have two major news outlets here in LA, the home of the plastic people, do relatively positive stories on body acceptance. Along with the other major worldwide coverage we’ve been seeing, I’m hopeful that the tide is turning.

What do you think? Is it getting harder or easier to talk about size acceptance and HAES these days? I’d love to hear from you!

Love,

The Fat Chick

Size Acceptance Young and Old

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I recently ran across this photo on Facebook and was floored by the brave beautiful young woman staring at me. And when I read the post from Stella Boonshoft that went with it, I got even more excited. And the longer story, was also touching and interesting.

I’m so amazed at the brave and amazing things that young size acceptance heroes and heroines are up to these days. They are putting themselves out there in new and exciting ways. They are making a significant impact on the movement and on peoples lives at younger and younger ages. They are getting it done!

To a certain extent, I think young people in the size acceptance movement are very fortunate. They’ve grown up in the age of computers and the internet where the concept of size acceptance may be available at a much younger age. Even if they are the only fat kid in the class, they can connect with other fatties all over the world via facebook and tumblr and twitter. After all, I hadn’t even heard of the notion of size acceptance until I was nearly 30 years old.

We older folks have a lot to learn from the younger set when it comes to body acceptance. We can see what a life is like when size acceptance begins in high school, junior high or even elementary school. We can see the energy savings that come from not beating yourself up for 40 years before you start to feel better. We can marvel at the bravery of a college girl posting a revealing picture of her body with rolls and stretch marks and all. We can be encouraged by her direct stare and her challenging words:

MOST OF ALL, this picture is for me. For the girl who hated her body so much she took extreme measures to try to change it. Who cried for hours over the fact she would never be thin. Who was teased and tormented and hurt just for being who she was.

I’m so over that.

THIS IS MY BODY, DEAL WITH IT.

and FUCK YOU ALL who tried to degrade my being and sense of self with your hurtful comments and actions.

GUESS WHAT IT DIDN’T WORK HAHAHAHAH

But if we read between the lines, we see that growing up today as a fat person is no picnic. The same technology that allows young people of size to connect with one another, subjects them to the potential for 24/7 bullying–often from anonymous sources. Stella’s story has generated relatively positive results–receiving hundreds of likes per minute when first posted and launching her blog on a national stage. But she has also had to shovel through some of the nastiest vitriol the Internet can serve up. And it’s not hard to imagine that Stella’s story might have had a very different ending. In our visual world, the pressure to be stick thin and look like a television show/rock star/supermodel/celebrity is greater than ever. And maybe we, who grew up in a different time, have already endured decades of lumps, can offer some perspective to the younger generations as well.

They say hindsight is 20/20. And I find myself having more and more hind to my sight these days. So I can offer Stella some thoughts and advice. I can say things like:

Enjoy your day in the sun. They are rare but beautiful. But know that rain will come as well.

You don’t have to read every comment. There’s only so much nasty a body can endure in one day. Let your friends help you filter through and find what you really need to know.

You are not a persona, you are a person. That means you will not be perfect. But that’s okay, because what makes us human makes us real and allows others to relate to us. This allows us to do good in the world.

There’s a place for folks of all ages in the size acceptance movement. The generations are different and face very different challenges. But those differences ultimately make us stronger. We are better when we learn from one another. Here’s to using our differences to unite, to share and to build a better place for all of us.

Love,

The Fat Chick

P.S. Want to get my newsletter and a bunch of awesome free stuff? Why not join The Fat Chick Clique? It’s super fun, totally free and literally takes ten seconds to join (well 15 if you type slowly.) oxoxoxo

Thursday Theater: The Fat Chick Talks About Bullies

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My response to Jennifer Livingston’s amazing video and my entry for Ragen Chastain’s Amazing New Project.

:o)

Jeanette

PS: We. Will. Win.

The Ongoing Costs of Bullying

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It seems like everybody is talking about what television anchor Jennifer Livingston said on air on WKBT in La Crosse, WI. If you haven’t heard it yet, go on up and watch the video. I’ll wait. In her video she talks about how we not only need to stand up to bullies, but also be an example to our children and show them how not to be bullies.

October is National Bullying Prevention month, and I can’t tell you how glad I am that Jennifer has helped bring bullying about weight to the forefront. It seems to me that much of the discourse on bullying has been dominated by discussions of race or gender or sexual preference. It also seems to me that in many of the discussions about bullying, weight has been left right out of the equation. So I’m thrilled that weight is coming into the discussion and that “concern trolling” is being called out as a form of bullying.

I admire Jennifer so much for standing up to bullies in such a public way. She’s not only standing up in public, but she’s standing up at work. And working in television news is no picnic. I know she worked very hard to get that coveted morning anchor spot. She undoubtedly won that spot over a lot of other competitors. A lot of those competitors were probably thinner and more closely mirrored current societal standards of appearance for a television anchor. Just doing her job every day in such a public and competitive sphere is pretty darn brave. To risk all she worked for, to risk the wrath of television viewers and pundits alike, for ‘coming out’ as a fat person, takes amazing strength. And as a Midwestern girl, raised in Wisconsin, I can tell you that calling attention to herself in this way, putting herself forward like this in the town of La Crosse, WI flies in the face of a lot of our “nice girl” training. It takes unbelievable courage.

As a fellow producer, I also want to call out the producers at WKBT for having the guts to put this on TV. I’m talking about morning show producer Kelli Hoff andnews director Anne Paape as well as the rest of the producing team. News at the local level is an extremely competitive business. Allowing Jennifer to take that much airtime to share an extremely controversial and polarizing viewpoint takes serious guts. That producer’s job is on the line for this. It was a big risk, but luckily the response seems to be largely positive.

I am so glad that a light is being shined on this bullying business. Because I think it’s time that we understood the real costs associated with it. There’s the cost to kids concentration levels and education. Can somebody who’s being tortured every day really focus on school? Can they get the grades? Can they do what they need to do to compete for those rapidly dwindling and extremely valuable spots at their favorite college? Will they even survive school? Or will they take their own precious lives and thus deprive the world of themselves? And if they survive school, will they survive intact? Or will they commit suicide a little bit every day by being smaller, being less than, blending in, and not being noticed? Will these kids be what they were meant to be? Will they dare? Or will they let that part of themselves that is responsible for seeing that torture never happens again, that they are never hurt that way again, take charge?

That is what is so very exciting to me about what I saw morning anchor Jennifer Livingston do on television yesterday. She wasn’t just standing up to bullies that are after her now. She was standing up to every bully she’s ever faced. She was standing up to that part of her that told her that she had a good thing going with her anchor job and she shouldn’t blow it. She was standing up to the part of her that told her she should be quiet and blend in. She was standing up to the part of her that said she should be lesser so as to present a smaller target.

I want to thank both Jennifer and WKBT for standing up not only to the bullies they face now in the public and the board room but also to all the bullies they have faced their entire lives. Your courage is an inspiration.

Sincerely,

Jeanette DePatie

AKA The Fat Chick