You know what I did last night? I went to a the Producers Guild Awards in Beverly Hills. You know what I didn’t do? Give even one hoot about whether or not I was thin enough to be there. I wore something I had saved up in my closet. I didn’t have on sky-high heels or even a foundation garment. No Spanx. No control-top pantyhose. (Hell this is LA, who wears pantyhose?) I sat at my table in the Beverly Hilton–right where, just one week ago the Golden Globes were held. I was in the same room (separated by literally miles of tables of course and more handlers than you could shake a stick at) with Ron Howard and Brad Pitt and ate as much as my stomach could comfortably hold, because it looked good and I was hungry. I went to an awards show and had fun and felt good and was comfortable as can be. And it was awesome.
Today, for Healthy Weight Week, the question was asked, “How might life be different for someone who decided to stop hating their body.” And I’d humbly like to suggest, that this, THIS is how life is different. I didn’t even think about going on a diet to get ready for this event. I pulled something beautiful out of the closet that I knew would fit, because I’m no longer weight cycling. I had very fancy clothing in my closet that didn’t require me to put on a girdle or a corset or even stomach-punishing pantyhose to fit. When I was standing in line to have my picture taken at the step and repeat, my friends talked about their January juice fasts and cleanses and body programs. I then outlined my program: I find exercise that I really love and do it as much as I can because it’s fun. Then I eat whatever the F*$! I want as long as it tastes good and feels good in my body. I think they are more than a little bit jealous.
And when my beautiful salad arrived and the waiter asked if I wanted dressing, I said yes please, and a little bit more please because, hell yes I wanted dressing. When he asked if I wanted bread, I took without apology, the big, yummy parmesan triangle thing right on the top, large enough to sail a small boat, and I enjoyed the heck out of it too. When the inevitable chicken composed with 4 grilled baby vegetables arrived, I devoured most of it. When dessert showed up, I devoured that too–ice cream and all. Not because I might not get to eat naughty food tomorrow. Or because I knew I wasn’t planning on allowing myself ice cream ever again. Just because it tasted good and I was hungry.
And yes, I definitely went to the after party in the penthouse and shook hands with Morgan Freeman (who by the way, is just as nice as you’ve heard). And I didn’t worry even a little bit about if he thought I was fat.
Despite what you may think, not everybody in LA goes to these celebrity shindigs. I am very, very grateful to be on the national board of the Producers Guild of America and get to go to this type of event from time to time. But I’m even more grateful to my sisters and brothers in acceptance for teaching me to go and feel completely at home in my body and completely unconcerned about looking very, very different from the vast majority of those treading the red carpet.
I am so grateful.
And that is why I post my glittery picture. Partly because I’m excited to show you a picture of me all dressed up. But also to let you know that this fat girl is here and she is representin’! In sparkly, but comfortable shoes. With a full tummy and an even fuller heart.
Love, Jeanette (AKA The Fat Chick)