I remember the day quite clearly. I was in the kitchen with my husband and I was crying inconsolably. I was crying because I was fat and I believed being fat was cause to be miserable. My husband told me that I looked great. He assured me that he loved me just the way I was. The sad thing was, I would not and could not believe him. I tried to diet, but found I couldn’t stick with it. I tried to exercise, but I really struggled. I hired a personal trainer, but grew tired of the badgering and emotional abuse, and I quit. I tried a step aerobics class, but was tired of struggling at the back of the class to lift my aching knees as fast as the other students. I tried to train for a marathon, but wound up with a stress fracture in my foot by the third week. I felt like a failure, and I was miserable.

Now, fast forward to another day, much later, in Springfield Missouri, as I’m about to cross the finish line of my first marathon. It was very quiet. There was no “finish line” to speak of (they had taken it down hours earlier). But I limped across the sidewalk where the finish line had been, raised my exhausted arms in victory and sobbed like a baby. But this time, they were tears of joy. My friend Mary Ann and I cried together as we celebrated my first ever marathon finish.

Comes another day, later still. It was at least 95 degrees in our makeshift video studio. My friends Nora, Mary Ellen, Mary Ann and I had been doing aerobics in that heat for over four hours, shooting footage for my new exercise video, The Fat Chick Works Out!

So how did it happen? How did I motivate myself to evolve from that pathetic, sobbing creature in the kitchen to a triathlete, marathon runner, licensed aerobics instructor and personal trainer and fitness celebrity who proudly calls herself “The Fat Chick”?

Actually a lot happened during that time of conversion. But it started with one little idea that changed everything. It was a simple idea, and in retrospect, an obvious one. It was very simply, “what if I stopped obsessing about my weight, and started living my life as if I already had lost weight?”

It was a revolutionary concept. I stopped weighing and measuring every morsel of food that went into my mouth. No more food exchanges. No more points. No more food journal. No weighing myself. And no more measuring my self worth based on the numbers on a scale.

I began living my life as if I were already thin. There were so many things I wanted to do after I lost weight. I wanted new clothes. I wanted a new hairdo. I wanted to teach aerobics classes. I wanted to be on TV. I wanted to be a Hollywood producer. And one day, I decided to stop wasting my life while minding my waist and to start living the life of my dreams, right now.

So one day, I went to the local YWCA and told them that I wanted to become an aerobics instructor so I could help other beginning exercisers. Frankly, some people looked at me funny. Several said that it wasn’t a good idea. I almost gave up. Then I met Ahmena, a loving, beautiful, joyful woman who taught aerobics at the Y. She also happened to be fat. I am so grateful to her. She taught me the mechanics of teaching a successful aerobics class. What’s more, she never doubted for one second that I could do it. Before long, I was teaching a class of my own.

I learned an awful lot from teaching aerobics. I learned that with ANY type of exercise, you need to start from wherever you are. If you can only do five minutes of the class, then do five minutes. Then the next week, do six minutes. Do only what you can and don’t be embarrassed by it. Another thing I learned, was that when you separate fitness training from the expectation of weight loss, it is really fun! I discovered that I loved it! And for the first time in my life, I really appreciated what exercise could do for me. I slept well. I felt great. Stress just melted away. I also saw what exercise did for my students. Some lost weight. Some didn’t. Some got off diabetes or blood pressure medications. Some found that they could now run up to our second-story dance studio without huffing and puffing. Some found a new, bolder and braver sense of self. Some simply found a way to spend an hour away from family and work obligations to take care of themselves. There was something for everybody. Ultimately, I became a certified aerobics instructor and personal trainer.

But I didn’t stop there. On New Year’s Eve my husband and I went to dinner with our good friends Jeff and Mary Ann. It was an eight-course dinner with a very nice wine. We drank a lot of wine. Mary Ann mentioned that she always wanted to do a marathon. “Me too!” I cried. (Did I mention there was a lot of wine?) By the time the fruit and cheese and midnight champagne arrived, Mary Ann and I had made a pact to do a marathon together. She was with my every step for 26.2 miles. The training was hard. Finishing was grueling. But it was one of the most spectacular moments of my life. I am so grateful to Mary Ann for helping me get there.

Over the years, I have had a lot of time to reflect about what it took to get me across that finish line. I had to accurately assess, without shame or embarrassment, exactly what my level of fitness was and devise a plan to gradually and safely ramp my exercise abilities to meet my goal. I had to learn to redefine success to something that was reasonable and achievable for me. I had to make sure that I wouldn’t walk and run 26.2 miles just to feel like a failure. And I had to learn to rely on the kindness of others. Without my husband, my parents, Mary Ann, Ahmena and many others, I never would have made it.

I learned to have confidence and I learned to have faith. I learned to find help and accept help. I learned that by making one small step and then another, I could conquer marathons and climb mountains. And I most of all, I learned not to waste any more of my life worrying about my waist. When I think back of all the lost years–the years I could have been happy and the years I could have been moving forward, it makes me sad and angry. But mostly it makes me determined. Not just to live every day of my life as fully and deeply as I can, but also, to help others learn what I have learned. It’s a tough life sometimes, being The Fat Chick. I’ve been yelled at and bullied on television and national radio shows. I’ve been spat at by complete strangers in the course of sharing my story. But you know what? If I can help you reclaim one year, one week or even one day of your life, it will be worth it. I am committed to helping you stop weighting around for your life to start.

Join me.

So the champagne is all drunk, and the hangovers are hung and the department store Santas have moved over to pave the way for yoga mats, teeny-tiny exercise clothes and pretend chocolate “meal replacement” bars. It’s beginning to look a lot like new years, the time where folks the world over look at themselves in their bathroom mirrors and make resolutions. And oh, so often, the resolution is the same as the one the year before. And so very often that resolution is to be thin.

So we join the gym and sign up for the diet “groupthink” organizations. We step on our scales and pull out the diet books. We start the year with big plans and even bigger hopes. We’re going to be thin by St. Valentine’s day. We think we’re turning over a new leaf when what we’re really doing is making a sharp left turn into the “Big Fat Cycle”. The pattern that will leave us frustrated, freaked out and yes, fatter by February.

The “Big Fat Cycle” is constant and universal. Nearly every girl or woman over the age of about 12 that I’ve ever talked to knows exactly what I’m talking about. Nearly everybody who sees this cycle or hears about it, immediately recognizes its contours in his or her own life. It’s like a merry go round that whirls out of control and won’t let us off. They cycle looks like this:

1) PANIC—Oh my God, I’m so fat. The doctor / my mom / my husband / my agent / my psychic says I need to lose weight right away. I look awful. I might die tomorrow. I have to lose like 100 pounds, NOW! Maybe if I sever a limb I can lose like 10 pounds in one week.

2) FANTASY–If I just eat healthy at every meal / eat cabbage soup at every meal / totally cut out carbohydrates or red meat / exercise for an hour every day, I’ll lose a lot of weight. Maybe I’ll only lose the 2 pounds per week that is recommended or maybe a little more. Then if I just do that for the rest of my life, I can be a size four and life will be wonderful and perfect in every way.

3) DEFEAT—Oh, well it’s week four and I only lost half a pound. This is never going to happen. I don’t look like Angelina Jolie. I don’t even look like Angela Landsbury. I give up. I might as well have a cookie, or a dozen. I haven’t had a cookie in a month and look at me. I look the same as when I started. I want a COOKIE. No, wait, I WANT A LOT OF COOKIES. I may gain weight, but so what? I don’t care…

4) SHAME—Oh my God. Not only am I fat, but also I’m hopeless. How could anybody possibly love me? How could I even possibly love me?

5) RETURN TO STEP 1. Rinse and repeat.

How many times have you gone around this little circle? A dozen times? A hundred? Every New Year’s Day since you were twelve? Many of us have been on this vicious little cycle for our entire lives. Many of us even secretly treasure this little routine. It’s familiar. It’s like home. But sometimes you have to wonder, after all these years, what it really does for you.

So what does the Big Fat Cycle give you? It gives you stress. For all the work, deprivation and distress of traditional weight loss efforts, you achieve physical, mental and spiritual stress and not much else.

What if there was a different way? What if you could make a New Year’s resolution that left you healthier and happier? What if by February, you could be basking in the glow of ongoing, consistent success? It is possible. Heck, it’s actually fairly predictable. But in order to achieve this glorious goal, you have to begin with a single resolution.

Resolve not to resolve your way in to the Big Fat Cycle this year. I’ll do it with you–a little at a time. But first you must resolve to begin your year in love, not fear, not panic, not fantasy and not hate—but loving yourself enough to do what’s best for you. 

2010 is going to be our best year ever!

The Queen Mary (1)

Weight: More than 80,000 Tons

Conclusion: The Queen Mary (ship) weighs more than me.

Object: The Bellagio Fountain

Bellagio Fountain Facts
Water height: up to 245 Feet
Area: 8.5 Acres
Volume: Over 200 Million Gallons
Weight: Over 167 Million Pounds

Conclusion: The Bellagio Fountain weighs more than me.

Object: Touring Group of the Vienna Boys’ Choir.

The Vienna Boys’ choir is divided into four touring groups (Named for Bruckner, Mozart, Haydn and Schubert) each containing about 25 boys between the ages of 10 and 14.

Approximate weight of each touring group: 1750 Lbs.
Approximate weight of total group: 7000 Lbs.

The Vienna Boys’ Choir Weighs More Than Me.

Object: A Cement Mixing Truck weighs more than Me.

(Except maybe not this truck…)

Weight:
Empty: 20,000-30,000 pounds
Full: 60,000-70,000 pounds

Object: Hot Dog, Catsup and Mustard created with about 1500 cans of food for Canstruction event in Baltimore.

Weight: Over 1,000 pounds

So under certain conditions, a hot dog lunch weighs more than me.

Mt. Fuji weights more than me.

OBJECT: Mt. Fuji is the main attraction of the Fuji-Hakone-Izu National Park which is located between Yamanashi and Shizuoka in Japan.

WEIGHT: 100 Million Tons.